report from друг on the ground in Москва

Щелчок для более ясного, большего. {-- translatorobot

Moscow Subway
designed by Artemy Lebedev

Robert (the) Bruce sends Greetings
to Vladimir Nikolaev --

More questions. Who the heck taught you your remarkably excellent English? You need to find this person again and bring her or him chocolates, her or him did a remarkable 2nd Lingo job on you.

Oh, also, Moscow, one of the world's greatest subway systems ... what is your closest subway station? (I love trains, subways and ferries, I hate busses/coaches and airplanes. A Zeppelin would be nice, I would someday like to travel by dirigible.) Tell me which subway station and I will post the Moscow Subway Map, I am sure it's on-line somewhere.

Thanks for the wonderful answers to my many nosey questions! Once I ****almost**** got to St. Petersburg via the Finland Station, but my Plan to visit Russia was so fundamentally ignorant and flawed and fatally stupid that I had to go back to Stokholm.

But I really will get to Russia someday, and now I think Moscow sounds Okay, maybe I will just parasail directly into Red Square to start my holiday.

You will see comments from pat, he is Agence-Vleeptron Presse's Man On The Ground in Mitteleuropa, our first overworked underpaid underappreciated news wire service foreign correspondent.

You wanna be A-VP's Man On The Ground in Russia and, oh, maybe east to the Urals, south to Ukraine? Also I speak utterly no Slavic at all, even my Cyrillic alphabet is unreliable, so you handle all the Slavic-Speaking Places on the planet, that will be your "beat," your territory. Any lingo you can eavesdrop on, you tell us what's going on, what you think is important or interesting or horrible or wonderful.

But instantly erupts any Volcano in Russia or Central Asia, you must take the digital camera and bring back big volcano eruption story for Editor Bob.

The pay doesn't exist -- oh okay you ever come here or i ever get there, A-VP buys you a good pizza. With anchovies and mushrooms.

I live in a little college town which recently had (past tense) a very active thrash punk nasty grunge angst goth fuckyou music and club scene. In fact every year we had the Loud Music Festival for a whole week, at about 10 performance spaces all over town (bowling alley, etc.). Guess what the qualification to play at the Loud Music Festival was. (I went to the show at the American Veterans of Foreign Wars Lodge. Yum cheap warm American beer yum.)

I think maybe heroin and alcohol finally killed or enfeebled too many of the Youthful Musicians of my town, the Big Punk Goth Angst Scene has vanished. There is no more Big Cat-Strangling Youth Music Scene in Northampton. A Jamaican guy in the summer now plays Steel Drums on the sidewalk for the tourists. But we have lots of very famous Geezer Acts (famous performers older than 45) play at the Iron Horse (old folksingers) and the Calvin (Vienna Boys Choir, the Chieftains) and Pearl Street (noisier slightly younger famous bands and singers, They Might Be Giants, also this is where the Friday Night and Saturday Night university student street riot is around 23:00.

Hmmm Javanet (our Internet cafe) MUST have WiFi, I will have to phone, i haven't been inside for years. Cup of frappocinolattespresso coffee cost you many many rubles. The house machines are Macintosh (booo, the Computers of Evil!)

Again, welcome to Vleeptron! The capital city of the planet is Ciudad Vleeptron, and it has the best music clubs in the 3-Planet Zone! (The ones on Hoon suck.) All next week Sun Ra & His Arkestra -- straight from their last engagement on their home planet, Saturn -- will be playing the Cramped_Basement.

Nikolaev -- this patronimic (what word do you use for this kind of middle name?) is drowning in Russian history! I can see Eisenstein movies in my mind!

Hey hey hey! Tell me all about Kaliningrad!!! Please! I am crazy insane to go there! Do you know about the 7 Bridges of Konigsberg? It is a legendary place!

And the AMBER! I think they just re-opened the fabulous Amber Room (Prussia's gift to Tsar from 18th century maybe) in the Hermitage!

Amberland! Tell me all you know! How is K_grad these days, wild, tame, happy, not so happy? Did you see Otticar's Castle? Or the Big Government Office Building that replaced it? What do you call the island in the middle of the big river?

Oh ... the Theremin ...

Be more patriotic! Theremin was invented by brilliant Russian electronic engineer Léon Theremin (born Lev Sergeyevich Termen, Лев Сергеевич Термен)! The Musical Instrument Which Will Not Die! Everybody loves the Theremin! The Beach Boys! Outer Space & Horror Movies! Plug it in, wave your arms and hands around in the air -- and it Makes Music! And nobody who hears it can tell if that's what it's supposed to sound like! Nobody knows if you're playing it well or terribly!

Do Russians still sip tea while they hold a sugar cube between their teeth?

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we go fishing in the fœtid Comment Sewers sluggishly flowing deep beneath Ciudad Vleeptron and pick it up from here:

==========================

Okay, I confess, I'm a Termite. Termite. Termite. I'm all fucked up on Las Ketchup [ demo of The Ketchup Song, muy bailable ] I am building an on-line Shrine to them. What I say three times is True.

posted by Bob Merkin | 15:11

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10 Comments:

StereoBalls said...

Hi Bob!
No I don't want to steal your money. I just give you an opportunity to buy CDs at lower prices. The site I referred to provides enouth security to provide safe transactions (using third-party bank official gateway), so nobody knows your details etc.
It only your choice download or not to download.
17:39

Bob Merkin said...

okay okay you are one very persistent pop music mp3 download capitalist

you wish our Western hard currency, our US$, our Euros, our francs.

we wish to know more about you.

first of all ... my mother calls me Bob. your mother does NOT call you "stereoballs."

so ... what is your name, my droog? Are you in St. Petersburg? Are you in Moscow?

do you only like Eurovision songs? or do you love all music? or all rock? or classical music too? do you love Rimsky? Do you love Korsikov too?

Who represented Russia in the Athens Eurovision show? Did you like them? Do you like Lordi? Who was your favorite act?

Tell us some stuff about Russia right now. Vleeptron loves to hear stuff from all over the world. Gossip. Rumor. Bad News. Good News. We're just nosey.
20:47

Bob Merkin said...

oh stereoballs also ... your Patronimic. My middle name is Bruce.
21:19

Jim Olson said...

Nothing to tell, really.

Daz sucked, all the Brits here thought so.
06:00

patfromasmallvillageinch said...

definetly version one with holes. no plastic balls involved.

Not actually a pool hall, just a pool table, a small boombox, a pinball machine, and a Dart board in the backroom of the local pub in the small village where I grew up.

No Absinth, just lager. no cigars, no tv. You are allowed to smoke though and you can bring your own music along which is petty cool, because the poeple in the front room can't hear you while the stooges' first album is blasting away.

happiess comes in small units i reckon.

europeans do not see Pool as raunchy or upper-class. it's just like going for a round of minigolf or bowling.

Snooker is played on a larger table and the rules are different, Daz Sampson seems to be the winner ov the UK version of American Idol. I think it's called Fame Academy (Oh those bloody termites ! When will they ever learn ??)
12:44

Bob Merkin said...

oh for christ's sake at first i thought you were talking about The 3 Stooges, and i just felt such pity for you and hoped that Suisse still has the excellent reputation for Jung-klasse Psychiatric Care like it always did in American movies from 1930s.

so Iggy travels well to Mitteleuropa, huh? Iggy fucking rawks. He is appearing 4 nites a week in Kafe Drek in Poortown right now! Hop the Zeta Beam!

I have some music still on those CD things you have to actually touch tangibly, this is the way Geezers und Altakakers used to store musical information. Anyway it is Iggy and Blondie singing a duet of "What a Swell Party" by Cole Porter, originally sung by Sinatra and Bing Crosby in the movie "High Society." Absolutelyfuckingly smashing cover!

Have you heard?
It's in the stars!
Next July
We collide with Mars!
Well, did you ever?
What a swell party this is!

hey sincere thanks for the snapshot of Evening Life in the Alps! More! More! What lingos were being gesprachen in this gathering? what were the brands of Lager? which do you recommend?

I like this juke box where you bring your own music. This is a Major Innovation!
15:37

Jim Olson said...

Robert Bruce? Were your parents reading a history of Scotland at the time of your birth?

Robert the Bruce was definitely goy.
18:59

StereoBalls said...

Hi Bob,

>first of all ... my mother calls me >Bob. your mother does NOT call you >"stereoballs."
>so ... what is your name, my droog? >Are you in St. Petersburg? Are you in >Moscow?

My name is Vladimir and my mother calls me Vova. I'm in Moscow, my friend

>do you only like Eurovision songs? or >do you love all music? or all rock? or >classical music too? do you love >Rimsky? Do you love Korsikov too?

No I don't really fan of Eurovision, but I like to watch it since it doesn't happen very often. I like different music, prefer electronic music. Not really classical music fan - but I know Rimsky-KorsAkov.

>Who represented Russia in the Athens >Eurovision show? Did you like them? Do >you like Lordi? Who was your favorite >act?

You're checking if I'm a real person? Well, yes - I am a real one. Russia was represented by Dima Bilan (one on the famous pop singer now in Russia). I liked his perfomance. It was definatelly better than Lordi did.

Can't say who I liked the most without being biased by my patriotism, you know...

>Tell us some stuff about Russia right >now. Vleeptron loves to hear stuff >from all over the world. Gossip. >Rumor. Bad News. Good News. We're just >nosey.

Go ahaid - ask me
12:31

Bob Merkin said...

Yo Vladimir! (Hey, where's the Patronimic? You know, like Ivanov or Petrov.)

First of all, JimO wanted to know how I ended up with a middle name Bruce, because Robert (the) Bruce was a Great Hero King of Scotland, and I am not Great, or a Hero, or a King, or Scottish.

My folks cooked up Bruce to memorialize my grandmother, Betty or maybe Bashya. We're from Russia, too, I think somewhere around Minsk. She came to America clutching only one thing: The Samovar.

Here is the deal. You are the first .ru guy to Leave A Comment on Planet Vleeptron. We don't get many Russians on Vleeptron.

I never thought you were a Robot. You don't sell music the way a Robot sells music. (I think "robot" is a Slavic word, the Czech Karel Capek invented the word.)

What's your favorite Internet cafe in Moscow? What's your favorite (cheap) restaurant? What other places should I see when I visit Moscow?

Do you like Vladimir Putin? Did you vote for him? What happened to Boris Yeltsin?

What happened to Mikhail Sergeyovich Gorbachev?

Do they still sell Matryoshka nesting dolls of all Russia/CCCP historical leaders?

Where have you travelled to in and outside of Russia? Have you been to Kaliningrad?

You mean Elektronika music, like tekno? What electronic music is your favorite? Do you like the Theremin? What are the best music/dance clubs in Moscow for this kind of stuff?

That's all I can think of right now.
16:52

StereoBalls said...

Hi Bob!
My last name isn't Ivanov (bumer..) It is Nikolaev.

Glad to hear you have Russian origin. That's why you know so many Russian words and are so open-minded.

I'm also happy to be the first Russian over here. I hope we both enjoy it.

Yes, I think "robot" in its current meaning was first used by Czech writer. But it seems to me that the word's origin goes back to the Latin language, or Ancient Greek. I'll research on this.

I don't go to Internet cafe in Moscow. I prefer accessing it from home, but occassionally I go to FAQcafe with my notebook and use their WiFi hot spot.

Actually, it's a good place to have a dinner or drink with friends on friday. If you visit Moscow you should definatelly check it.

I'm tired of the politics. I work, earn money and don't care who's up there. The only thing I need from government is safety and stability. I have a feeling that Putin provide me with that things.

Boris Yeltsin lives with his family on dacha as a very respectable retired president. Sometimes he visits events to wave a hand and say 'Hi, Russians'.

Don't really know about Gorbachev now. I haven't heard any news about him for a long time. He's a head of some political and social foundation.

Arbat is still a marketplace for all those Soviet attributes and Matryoshkas. I think they still have a good demand on them.

I travelled a lot in Russia and abroad. I lived in Kaliningrad, I went to school first time there.

I lived in the US, been to Finland, Sweden and some former SU republics back in USSR times.

Yes I mean techno, house etc. I like electro and disco house.

I think I've heard of the Theremin but I don't know them. There're a lot of night clubs in Moscow. The best ones are Fabrique, Dyagilev, Gorod. But there're hundreds of others who have pretty good parties from time to time.

Hope I satisfied your first questions so far :-)
03:35