it's Mammalian Quadruped Porcine Racing Season again!

You know the click drill.

My brain and emotions have been Constipated lately. I got the Weltschmerz -- the feeling one gets by comparing How The World Might or Could Be with How The World Really Is.

If I haven't been writing much about Vleeptron, it's because the goddam Zeta Beam seems to be broken lately. And a lot of my Weltschmerz comes from comparing Vleeptron -- the planet in the Dwingeloo-2 Galaxy that has no capital punishment, no nuclear weapons, almost no prisoners and almost no prisons, where women are as free as men to peek inside the Lupanar and see the Naughty Ancient Porn Mosaics -- with Earth.

Well, I am Taking Steps to combat the Weltschmerz. First of all, on Monday, I will jump an Amtrak train from New Haven, and with Prayer and a Merciful & Generous Providence, I will arrive in Baltimore in time to join my brother and cousin to see a Besbol Game at the gorgeous Camden Yards stadium.

And then eat Chesapeake Bay Crabs until they're coming out of my ears.

And now I want to talk about Racing Mammalian Quadrupeds.

Many people believe that the most thrilling, beautiful sport on Earth is Thoroughbred Horse Racing -- the Sport of Kings.

Many other people love Greyhound Dog Racing. (The rabbit they chase around the track is just a little Robot Rabbit, don't worry about the Rabbit. But you can worry about the dogs, and what happens to them when they "retire." But there's hope -- a big grassroots movement to adopt and give good homes to "retired" racing greyhounds. Apparently, they make wonderful gentle pets -- if they don't think they see a rabbit.)

But here in New England, it's the season for County Fairs and Country Fairs and State Fairs. And at almost every one of these wonderful fairs is our very favorite kind of Mammalian Quadruped Racing: RACING PIGS!!! We're gonna see the Racing Pigs!!! Wheeeeeeeeeee!