why the federal government classifies heroin and marijuana in the same prohibited category

Dear Reform Colleagues,

I'm very sorry, but on this one point I must disagree with you, and fully support the decision regarding the scheduling of marijuana in the same prohibited category as heroin by former President Richard Milhouse Nixon.

In some particularly educational secret Oval Office tapes released in 2001 by the National Archives, over the dead bodies of all surviving Nixon family members, Nixon explains to White House Chief of Staff H.R. "Bob" Haldemann why he must reject the conclusions of his own hand-picked Schaffer Commission (chaired by former anti-drug prosecutor and Pennsylvania Governor William Schaffer. The increasing popularity of marijuana among America's youth circa 1972 he attributes to several factors. But first he makes the distinction between alcoholic beverages and marijuana very clear. People drink alcohol to be happy, Nixon explains. But people smoke marijuana to get high. And this must be absolutely prohibited by any responsible President who is concerned about our American Youth.

Then the President of the United States (with his special access to Top Secret domestic and foreign intelligence) reveals who is behind the growing popularity of marijuana with American youth:

"It's the Jews. What the hell's wrong with the Jews, Bob?"

Specifically he blames Jewish psychiatrists.

Other clear conspirators identified by the President of the United States on this extraordinarily educational audio tape:

* the Homos

* the Communists (Russian, in the Kremlin)

So I hope I have made clear my objections to your call to re-schedule or de-schedule marijuana. I recognize your sincerity and validate your beliefs. But we must never re-schedule or de-schedule marijuana, and a former President of the United States at last, over the dead bodies of his surviving relatives (actually a consent decree between the Archives and the Nixon family and Library trustees regarding how excruciatingly slowly not-yet-released tapes may and will be made available to the media and curious American citizens) finally explains the hazards of smoking marijuana and who's behind its growing popularity.

You know my longstanding concerns about the welfare and best interests of American Youth. Finally these led me to join the Junior Geezer Auxiliary of Students for Sensible Drug Policy (SSDP) and when is their next regional or national convention so I can protect them some more? School's out for summer, right?

You also know my longstanding concern about feuds and misunderstandings within the drug policy reform community. I wish no such between myself and you, Rick. But these are important matters which affect the welfare of America's Young People, and I could not remain silent.

I apologize for all spelling errors, and slight misquotations from memory. I have only read the transcript of this Swell Tape 900 times, and so cannot swear I got it exactly right. Perhaps some thoughtful scholar has posted it conveniently on a website somewhere. I just got back from an enjoyable
multiple tooth extraction at the dentist, and am all fucked up on all kinds of whacky woo shit, and so am not up to my usual High Anal Retentive Obsessive-Compulsive Standards of Internet Research. Please excuse any gotcha Merkin lapses.

Yours sincerely and respectfully,

Bob ("The Kommie Jew"!) Merkin
Northampton MA USA
But I'm not a Homo.

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-- Bertrand Russell

"Leave a Comment. Steve Heath leaves Comments."

-- Bob Merkin a.k.a. Elmer Elevator

> [Original Message]
> From: Rick Steeb
> To: SentLTE
> Date: 6/13/2005 2:48:42 PM
> Subject: LTE: Reschedule-- better yet, DEschedule
>
> [to Salon.com]:
> re:
>

>
> The Supreme Court, despite ruling against Raich regarding the "commerce
> clause", acknowleged the medical efficacy of cannabis in their opinion
> last week. So much for the validity of cannabis' CSA Schedule I
> status!



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