News, Weather, Mozart, Sports, Eurovision Love Ænema & Perverted Videogames from Vleeptron

NGO_Vleeptron (aka "Bob from Massachusetts") recently featured LIVE on BBC WORLD SERVICE, heard briefly by Gazillions!!!

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Location: Great Boreal Deciduous Hardwood Forest, New England, United States

old dude, all hair, swell new teeth

10 June 2005

SCAVENGER HUNT on VLEEPTRON!!!


If you follow this rumor backwards, trace it to its source, they say it all started here, with this Internet gossip column. I'll identify and credit the gossip columnist in the Comment Sewers later.

* * * * * * *

Turn Your Stomach

Before I get into the double servings of dinner party goodies I've come across, let me fill you in on something that will surely ruin your appetite -- that is, unless you're Hannibal Lecter.

I have sources all over the city. I enjoy knowing people at all levels. I don't discriminate on that score -- in fact, if a source is wearing a uniform instead of a suit, the gossip is often juicier. Not that I would call what you're about to read saliva-inducing ...

Boyle

It involves Lara Flynn Boyle and what she has allegedly done to her privates.

Let's see. We've covered bikini waxing, tattoos in the bikini area, even jewelry down below. But to the following territory, I don't think we've ever ventured.

Let's take a short trip over to the depths of the back end, where I hear more than a few (female) celebs are having Michael Jackson-esque work done.

Including Lara.

Specifically? Well, it doesn't involve just shaving, it doesn't involve shaping, it does require the use of ... bleach. To get rid of skin tones there that so offend the pigment-obsessed.

Apparently, all the girls in Hollywood are doing it. And, I'm sorry, I know I have no taste, but those tasteless details are as detailed as I'm going to get.

Besides, you can do the rest. I know you can -- you've been reading this column long enough.

* * * * * *

WHAT DID HE NOT WANT TO SAY
WHAT HE HEARD SHE DID?

WHAT DOES HE NOT SAY
ALL THE FEMALE STARS ARE DOING?

WHAT IS IT?
IF YOU'RE ONE OF THE TWO
BEST-KNOWN GENDERS
AND YOU HAD LOTS OF MONEY
ON SOMEONE ELSE'S CREDIT CARD
WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THIS?
OR IF YOUR SIBLING STOLE
THE CREDIT CARD
WOULD HE/SHE DO IT?

First Comment with correct answer who still wants to eat anything gets one slice of pizza with guaranteed non-Elfenau mushrooms, mushrooms guaranteed commercially grown in huge caves in Pennsylvania. If you lose your appetite forever, if even medical marijuana fails -- it's legal on Vleeptron! -- we'll think of something non-edible equivalent to a slice of pizza with mushrooms. You can also nominate a Vleeptron Equivalency Prize for winners who never want to eat again.


8 Comments:

Blogger Joana said...

She has a tattoo which reads Twin Peaks??' ( lousy attempt I know)

09:45  
Blogger Bob Merkin said...

Neither pizza nor non-edible other thing for you. I have a tattoo of a dragon on my right bicep. It hurt a lot and I fainted in the chair but the tattooist kept on carving anyway and when I came to, he said, "Have a nice trip?"

12:14  
Blogger Mamagiggle said...

geez, I wonder if she bleached her buttonhole?
I didn't say that out loud did I?

12:35  
Blogger Joana said...

Despicableteacher is now going to give BOB an assignment: it is worth a linguiça, morcela de arroz or morcela de sangue, alheira, farinheira or chouriço, your pick!
I want you to give us the name of the most important divinity in the land once known as Lusitania, and specifically how this entity was worshipped.

have a good google-trip :)

( hint: this ocurred to me after reading your post on Brazil :)

12:58  
Blogger Joana said...

This is scary!!!



Kabbalist Blesses Jones: Now´s the Time to Find Holy Lost Ark
14:03 May 20, '05 / 11 Iyar 5765


An unnamed Kabbalist has granted blessing to famed archeologist Dr. Vendyl Jones to uncover the Holy Ark of the Covenant. Jones plans to excavate the Lost Ark by the Tisha B’Av Fast this summer.

18:05  
Blogger Bob Merkin said...

Vendyl Jones!!! Another rare sighting of legendary archeologist Vendyl Jones! I saw all the Vendyl Jones movies! "Vendyl Jones and the Garage Door of Death" -- oh man, that was my FAVORITE -- when that Garage Door came down the first time I saw it -- I absolutely wet myself in Theatre 31 of the Quadruplex-PolyCinema-MultiOdeon 44. Then there was "Vendyl Jones -- this was the one the American Heritage Girls complained about a lot -- "and the Haunted Pickle Factory in Deerfield MA." Whoa. Sometimes when I dream about that one, I think maybe the Heritage Girls were right. And we're talking 31 years ago!

But finally, the Cherry on Top, the fin-du-siecle, the Sine Qua Non, the cheap Macau Mother of All Cherry Bombs: "Vindyl Jones Has Only One Shoe." That was fucking brilliant! I don't know why it only played at the Pleasant Street Arte Euro Sophisticated Auteur Theatre Noire in Atelier #2 at midnight. I still don't understand why it wasn't lines around the Quadruplex-PolyCinema-MultiOdeon 44 for a year. People are dopes.

Anyway isn't this thread about buttonhole bleaching? Let's stick to the topic, people.

If you refuse to stay on-topic I will pour 1 litre of old motor oil on you and send you to Cleveland for a week. 2nd prize: 2 weeks in Cleveland. 3rd prize: 3 weeks in Singapore or Seoul, your choice.

On topic, people. Let's get lots more buttonhole-bleaching posts here. One is not enough.

Can you say it out loud again?

21:39  
Blogger Bob Merkin said...

I'm sorry I had a hissy-fit about the topic. Talk about whatever you want. Did I ever tell you about the time I saw the Great Parallelopiped?

21:47  
Blogger Bob Merkin said...

But button-hole bleaching preferred.

21:47  

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