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NGO_Vleeptron (aka "Bob from Massachusetts") recently featured LIVE on BBC WORLD SERVICE, heard briefly by Gazillions!!!

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Location: Great Boreal Deciduous Hardwood Forest, New England, United States

old dude, all hair, swell new teeth

01 June 2005

a Macau stranger bothers Bob


[syf] fuck off with your soccer
[syf] dumb ass
[Droog4] i am from USA, i don't know anythingabout footie, i just wanted to say hello to amsterdamers
[Droog4] but thank you for also saying welcome
[syf] maybe you shouldn't be so american
[syf] then
[syf] he
[Droog4] how can i be less american?
[Droog4] you want me to scare the skat out of the world a little less maybe?
[Droog4] here is Bush phone number, you call
[Droog4] i voted for The Other Guy
[Droog4] boy you are Mijnheer Happy J. Friendly
[syf] where are you getting bush from now
[Droog4] if you are asking when Bush is going bye-bye, 2008, our Constitution says
[Droog4] look i just came on #amsterdam to ask a dutch question, 1 question
[Droog4] i lied, 2 questions, i got 2 questions
[Droog4] please help Mijnheer Happy J.Friendly
[Droog4] okay you not answer my simple questions from far away land, i will sing all the Eurovision 2005 songs through your speakers, i got new Karaoke software
[Droog4] i control Volume and Mute
* Droog4 sings: Happy! Sunny Day! Happy Happy! I love you! Always happy! Sunny Day! (Portugal)
[Droog4] for my next selection, i sing Romania Song: Let's Walk 380 Kilometers Down the Beach Hand in Hand
[syf] how about the israelian song, lets walk hand in hand to the gas chambers?
[syf] can you sing that one?
[Droog4] Oh! You are a Utrecht Fan! Now all is understood!
[Droog4] So how are the Antisemites doing this year? good season?
[syf] not so well i'm afraid
[Droog4] I'm sorry, official team name: Drunk Antisemites!
[Droog4] You have not just kicked me from #, you have banned me for life for saying "Hello Everybody!"
[Droog4] you are a good @
[syf] nah, i kicked you for speaking of soccer
[syf] don't be a daft cunt
[Droog4] you don't stand for none of this Friendlyu Welcome Bullshit
[Droog4] I am a daft cunt, God made me Special this way
[Droog4] Do not complain about the Wisdom of God
[syf] my god carries a hammer, your god dies spiked to a cross
[syf] any questions?
[syf] s/dies/died/
[Droog4] hey! kool! You know English past tense of "die"!
* Droog4 gives A to English as 2nd Lingo
[Droog4] You want to hear my Dutch?
[Droog4] Kwik Kwak Kwek!
[syf] nah, not really curious about it
[Droog4] also i know Danke and Austerblief or however u spell it
[Droog4] and other Polite Dutch Words
[Droog4] but thank you for "daft cunt," i am increasing my vocabulary from @op on @amsterdam
[Droog4] free lessons
[Droog4] Danke Wel!
[syf] maybe you shouldn't mention soccer in the first sentence into the channel
[syf] how about that
[Droog4] can i come back if i don't talk soccer?
[syf] you haven't been banned
[syf] so i don't see why you can't come back
[Droog4] Danke Wel, Mijnheer Happy J. Friendly!
[syf] your nick is familiar, not in a positive way
[syf] so i doubt you'll last long anyway
[Droog4] it does not mean "dry" in Dutch
[Droog4] it is the name for my hero
[Droog4] a psychopath teenage murderer and rapist from novel and movie "A Clockwork Orange"
[Droog4] this was not mandatory reading for you in high school?
[syf] yeah, i know the droogs
[Droog4] :-)
[syf] no
[syf] it wasn't mandatory
[syf] we don't really read anthony burgess in school
[Droog4] u read book, or you just rent the video?
* Droog4 takes a wild guess
[syf] i watched the video
[Droog4] hmmmm he knows name of Author of book! He is EDUCATED!
* Droog4 is impressed
[Droog4] may i teach you a tiny little New Thing?
[Droog4] Mijnheer Friendly?
[syf] go ahead, i'll teach you something after that as well
[Droog4] Authentic True Jewish People ... making Gas Jokes makes them Sad :-)
[Droog4] i mean :-(
[syf] well, the jewish love to play the victim role
[syf] so that doesn't surprise me a single bit
[Droog4] you can watch the video of Utrecht fans at Anne Frank Hus
[syf] it's a sad thing that half the world falls for it
[Droog4] yes, i have been terribly victimized by you for getting kicked off chan for saying Hello Hello All People Good Morning!
[Droog4] so ... today you will be voting for Euro Constition: Kill the Jews? write-in vote at bottom?
[syf] nah
[syf] let them sort their own shit
[Droog4] so when can u vote again for Pim Fortuyn? He running again soon?
[syf] he's a pretty dead guy
[Droog4] why should that change YOUR vote?
[syf] because the LPF is a splintered party
[syf] and is more of a joke than a real political party
[Droog4] oh the Fortuyn Ljist
[Droog4] well, don't waste vote then, vote for Hitler instead
[syf] i'd make hitler look like ghandi if i was dictator
* Droog4 is beginning to understand problem, syf = 14 year old boy
[syf] probably not
[syf] i can do that
[Droog4] have you murdered a frog or other small God's Creature today yet?
[syf] you = american = stupid gun wielding right wing nut
[Droog4] I have many guns!
[syf] please, shove your god up your ass
[syf] you're worse than a mormon
[syf] always bringing 'god' into every single sentence
[Droog4] i collect plastic Space Laser Beep Beep Battery Death Ray Guns from Outer Space!
[Droog4] okay, for next 5 minutes i be Euro Atheist just for Minjheer Happy Friendly
[syf] good for you
[syf] and maybe you should stop assuming everyone in the netherlands is dutch as well
[Droog4] i believe all Creation just random accident, just for you
[Droog4] ah. sorry. you French. or Austrian. My bad
[syf] oh, you're a creationist normally?
[syf] how not surprising at all
[syf] you guys are ignant(sic) over there
[Droog4] listen, my Timer only turned on for 19 hours, u still want me to explain My Belief System & Theology to you?
[Droog4] pull up a chair
[syf] i think some guy
[Droog4] light up a cigar
[syf] from the church of latter day saints
[syf] already said what you will say
[syf] so nah, i'll pass
[syf] thanks though
[Droog4] Yes. After Jesus died, he paddles canoe to United States of America and speaks to the Native-American Indians
[Droog4] this i believe
[Droog4] also that robots at Schiphol are stealing my luggage
[Droog4] i see you have answered doorbell to Mormon Missionaries :) :)
[Droog4] I thought they just bothered me
[Droog4] so what are you, a fucking Waloon or something?
[syf] sadly they're everywhere
[Droog4] Fleming?
[syf] i'm portuguese
[Droog4] Ola!
[Droog4] Obrigado!
[syf] very good -_-
[Droog4] Death to All Spaniards!
[Droog4] Bring back PIDE!
[Droog4] Vota SALAZAR!
[syf] the PIDE is long gone
[syf] not that it matters, wasn't during my time anyway
[Droog4] oh, like, if PIDE is still around, they would tell YOU?
[syf] we kinda executed most people attached to the PIDE
[Droog4] why you think they call it "Secret" Police, Sr Happy Friendly?
[syf] and the royal house
[syf] after the various revolutions
[syf] they weren't too "Secret"
[syf] in fact, you could recognize them very easily
[Droog4] ah, that was after all Jews and Muslims had to flee Portugal for their lives
[syf] since the PIDE, mingled itself in every affair, including, family affairs
[Droog4] thanx 4 history lesson
[Droog4] you are retired from PIDE?
[syf] nope
[Droog4] u act like it
[Droog4] Sr Happy Friendly
[syf] it's not that many generations away from me
[Droog4] also don't forget to re-open that nice Prison Island in Cap Vert
[syf] we have this thing called education here, not sure if you heard of it
[Droog4] you could have more fun running that place
[syf] nah
[syf] i'm already in another colony
[syf] don't think i'll be heading to cabo verde anytime soon
[syf] it's a bit too poor for my liking
[syf] friendly people there though
[Droog4] well listen i need answers to simple questions from nice Netherlanders, i can not waste
time here listening to you make gas chamber noises
[syf] tja.. dan zou ik maar vragen
[Droog4] i don't speak dutch
[Droog4] why you think i speak english on open?
[syf] i strangely enough do
[Droog4] Mijnheer Educado
[syf] but sure
[syf] go ahead, go talk to the dutchies
[Droog4] obrigado
[Droog4] you are a god to me, but i temporarily do not believe in god
[Droog4] so you are a nothing to me
[syf] i think you missed the fact that i don't give a fuck whether you believe or not
[Droog4] that was your advice
[syf] but i don't need to hear god in every sentence
[Droog4] i am a very very old person ... god is getting nearer and nearer to me
[syf] poor you then
[Droog4] we chat a few times a week
[Droog4] His name is Larry
[Droog4] he drives a Volvo
[syf] so what do you want to know
[Droog4] 1. In Dutch, how do you say this: Magic Day
[syf] magische dag
[Droog4] dankje
[Droog4] and now 2. When is Euro Constitution Vote magische dag?
[syf] today
[Droog4] Dankje Wel?
[syf] np
[Droog4] 3. What will be result of vote?
[Droog4] Nostrasyfus
[syf] no idea, hopefully it will be NO
[Droog4] that is NIET?
[Droog4] in Dutch?
[syf] nee = no
[Droog4] and how u spell YES in Dutch?
[syf] ja
[Droog4] dankje wel
[Droog4] u r wonderful helpful nice person
[Droog4] i hope you get your right boot fixed soon
[syf] you do realize you aren't banned right?
[Droog4] ja
* Droog4 is learning Dutch!
[Droog4] i will take pills now, forget everything about footie
[Droog4] i didn't know much
[Droog4] all i know is baseball and american football
[syf] ah
[Droog4] while i got you on the line, can you explain Offsides Rule to me?
[syf] i don't know about soccer
* Droog4 fires his machine gun out window for morning fun
[Droog4] so YOU'RE the other Euro guy who doesn't know!!!!
[syf] i just know about dragon boat races and horse racing
[Droog4] ah, who looks good in 3rd race at groningen today?
[syf] dunno, don't follow anything going in groningen
[Droog4] i just guessed, groningen has racetrack??
[syf] no idea
[Droog4] where is nearest racetrack?
[Droog4] to amsterdam
[syf] no idea
[Droog4] how can u follow horse racing u don't know where racetracks are?
* Droog4 ponders this mystery
[syf] cause i'm not in the netherlands?
[Droog4] aha! what is lisboa racetrack called?
[syf] the canindrome and jockey club is 10 minutes from my place
[syf] no idea
[syf] i'm in macau
[Droog4] ahahahaha!@!! obrigado!
[Droog4] WOW! I know Macau!!! You enjoying New Management?
[syf] new 'management' ?
[Droog4] Peoples Republic of China
[syf] that was years ago
[Droog4] are they warm and fuzzy to you?
[syf] but yeah, it's better then it was
[Droog4] hand out free candy?
[syf] nah, eliminated crime completely
[Droog4] just tell me 1 thing about New Macao please
[syf] i can count my money on the streets
[syf] without being mugged
[syf] the only thing i don't like here, is the invasion of americans
[syf] and their casinos
[syf] wynn and co
[Droog4] merda, i cancel my holiday plans to macau
[syf] thankfully, the legislator doesn't really like americans that interfere with politics either
[Droog4] DO THEY STILL MAKE CHEAP GUNPOWDER FIREWORKS??????
[syf] so at least, we're sane overhere
[syf] fuck yeah
[Droog4] thank God!!!!!!
[syf] tho better & more over in guangzhou & shenzhen
* Droog4 gets down on knees, prays Obrigado
[Droog4] so what is name of Macau Horse Race Track?
[Droog4] hsieh-hsieh!
[syf] jockey club
[Droog4] kewl beans, who looks good in 3rd race today?
[Droog4] i like it when very short people ride the horses, i do not like it when very tall fat people ride the race horses
[syf] king able looks good
[syf] well
[syf] very tall people don't belong on horses
[syf] they should always be short
* Droog4 clicks 500000000000000 Macau Yen on king able to place
[syf] patacas
[Droog4] okay i got to go now, my redheaded freckled cheerleader friends want me to come out and have sex with them
[syf] tho betting is done in hong kong dollars
[Droog4] so long and thanks for all the fish
[syf] that's great
[Droog4] lovely to have made your acquaintance
[syf] redheads are kinky sluts
[syf] and almost all russian overhere
[syf] byebye
[Droog4] u got that right, they make themselves into pretzel for me!
[Droog4] hubba hubba!

8 Comments:

Blogger Joana said...

despicable teacher bothers the Macao stranger who bothered Bob


I called him nazi and told him in Portuguese to rot in Hell;)

16:51  
Blogger Bob Merkin said...

Hahahaha ... at the moment I came on this morning, some strange person pvt msg me, I replied -- but she was gone. IRC message:

USER HAS A LIFE, SHE HAD TO LEAVE IRC

Sorry I missed you. Then to answer my 1 little ... okay 2 little ... okay 5 little questions about Netherlands from a Portuguese in Macau, I had this rather unpleasant and amusing chat. I hope you feel I kicked him in the huevos as well as he insulted and bothered me, and various ethnic communities, religions and nations.

Ah you see we ignorant Yankees who do not know the Offsides Rule ... we hear these new flavors of antisemitism in Europe ... that the problem is that Jews always love to feel victimized ... we do not know what to make of these flavors ... we do have no context for them ... and worst of all, we do not know how common these flavors are or where they will lead or drag or push Europe 5 or 10 years from now.

We have a phrase: "I've seen this movie before." Or "This is where I came in" (to the movie theater).

Of all his Weltschmerz, I was particularly offended with his comfort and happiness at Macau's "New Management." He likes the Peoples Republic of China because they have made it safe for him to take a walk -- which is not chopped liver, I love safety -- but he never mentioned the cost, in repression, in a big Elevator Down many stories of political openness and freedom. Totalitarian governments always promise the trains will run on time, and they will take care of petty criminals who disturb the neighborhood. And they are good to their promise. They take care of tens of thousands of petty criminals.

Gosh, will you re-quote yourself on what you said to the nice gentleman in Portuguese? I am always looking to learn new eloquence in new lingos. I'll bet you were eloquent.

23:47  
Blogger Bob Merkin said...

above, please substitute Weltschaum ... is that the word? ... ah hell World View, wassa fancy deutscheswerd for World View?

He is in Hell already ... every days he bets on the ponies at the racetrack. He is in Financial Hell.

23:50  
Blogger Bob Merkin said...

also where is Crusader? Maybe we can get him to have an IRC relapse. I'll bet he misses IRC. 5, 6 years on IRC is not nearly enough.

00:27  
Blogger Joana said...

ok you asked for it:

Nazi de merda apodrece no Inferno!

I was logged o #israel as op at the time hehehehe

10:45  
Blogger Bob Merkin said...

/Droog4 practices this over and over and over again for future IRC emergencies involving the Portugues-speaking world (Brasil, Macau, Goa, Portugal of course, Cape Verde, big-ass communities in Eastern Massachusetts ... oh merda, which African countries? I used to know this. Also Azores. What places around the world am I forgetting or just don't know about? Help me DespicableTeacher!)

But BOY are you ELOQUENT!!! I want to speak Portugues JUST LIKE YOU!!!

21:09  
Blogger Joana said...

Angola, Mozambique, Guinea, S. Tomé and Principe Islands, Timor

07:58  
Blogger Bob Merkin said...

Obrigado!

I knew your wonderful country had been staking a claim or two here and there since my hero, Prince Henry (? en Portugues ?) and then Vasco, them sailing cats, but it has been many years since I had to pass That history/geo Test in high school, and I passed, and then began to forget the details.

I WAS gonna say Angola, but I had le crise du confidence, and I didn't want to look like a jerk.

Each of these places still has close ties to The Mother Country? cultural, political, economic, military when necessary?

And the elites -- do they still send their kids to be educated in Lisboa?

Among all former colonies, which is the biggest headache for Lisboa now? Biggest "challenge"?

13:14  

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