News, Weather, Mozart, Sports, Eurovision Love Ænema & Perverted Videogames from Vleeptron

NGO_Vleeptron (aka "Bob from Massachusetts") recently featured LIVE on BBC WORLD SERVICE, heard briefly by Gazillions!!!

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Location: Great Boreal Deciduous Hardwood Forest, New England, United States

old dude, all hair, swell new teeth

08 June 2005

The Best Damn Holiday on Vleeptron! Please Come!


Universidad da Vleeptron
Department of Insatiable Curiosity

DespicableTeacher said...

Despicableteacher is very very busy, correcting §J§'s and his colleagues' papers, but anyhow the old Muslim quarters are no longer Muslim quarters. The names still bear the remnant of ancient times, though. One is for example called «Mouraria» ( go google for the photos ), which means Moorish quarter, and another one has the name Alfama( as you most certainly know the prefix al- is a clear indication of a word of Arab origin. I did do my homework though, so here goes the latest on the Muslim community.

There were large Muslim communities in the ex colonies Guinea-Bissau and Mozambique, with the decolonization most of them came here. Most of them live in the outskirts of Lisbon. The Lisbon mosque was built in 1985 :)

The community has around 35.000 members. LArge, very large compared to 200 Jews hehehe.

In Mouraria there is a shopping center in a place called Martim Moniz, there you can find all sorts of spices to make any type of food you wish :)

The problem with you coming, Bob, is that I sense you are going to literally fall in love with Lisbon and all the little towns in rural Portugal I will gladly show you, ONLY if you promise not to tell any tourist about them. Places where No McDonald's can be found and no Coca- Cola! = paradise:)

5:46 PM
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§J§ said...

ok, ok, Mouraria and Martim Moniz... Mouraria is, litteraly, falling to pieces which, due to my twisted taste, makes it far more beautiful than those new "old-type-highly-expensive-Lisbon?-what-the-f-is-Lisbon?-sort-of-architecture". Personally, I don't like Martim Moniz that much... except for the "mall" - chikens flying everywhere, empty boxes, chinese restaurant owners shouting, weak light and strange smells - and also the most exotic, illegal, unthinkable stuff sold everywhere. A little like Feira da Ladra but without its charms..

I'm glad to know you're coming to visit us. I't was about time!

And yes, you will fall in Love with Lisbon..

(teacher, teacher, how're the tests?!)

§

6:52 PM
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§J§ said...

literally*

6:53 PM
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DespicableTeacher said...

§J§-they are actually sort of awful, thank G-d for continuous assessment. BTW I did get your e-mail, I did not answer not to infect you with several viruses that have decided to attack my pc, so Ihad to format the hard drive and re-install the whole thing.

1:01 AM
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DespicableTeacher said...

§J§- >>>> chicken and Chinese ;)

1:03 AM
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Bob Merkin said...

I like long bus rides where the bus has lots of live chickens. Usually the bus is brightly and imaginatively painted on the outside. These bus rides are AMAZINGLY inexpensive.

6:32 AM
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Bob Merkin said...

It is with such sadness and disappointment that I must tell you that your wonderful homework assignments are, alas, INCOMPLETE.

No student has answered the question about today's political, educational, cultural, artistic, musical, economic and military relationships and challenges between Portugal now and all its former overseas possessions.

NOTE: Vleeptron has only two overspace possessions, the planets Yobbo and Hoon. Later we will post a report from the Colonial Office about the big fucking headaches we are always having with these lousy planets. They're not even round!

Bob is a very nosy person who cannot read Portuguese (except for interesting first-night theater phrases and IRC nasty nasty curses), and Planet Vleeptron doesn't get a lot of news in English from/about Portugal.

As several of you have made rude jokes about while my back was turned as I wrote Important Things on the blackboard, Bob's knowledge of modern Portugal ends around the time of the Happy Death of Salazar ("al-Momzer").

Oh, and please jump on the Zeta Beam and visit Vleeptron for our biggest Planet-Wide Festival, Salazar's Deathday -- the streets are FILLED with raw sausages, the sidewalks have many barbecue fires so you can cook your own while everybody sings the traditional Salazar Death Song, "Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy."

The most fun moment is when the Eighth Moon appears, and Peewee Herman leads a retired PIDE secret policeman into the Plaza Centro, pours 41 liters of old motor oil all over him, makes him withdraw his life savings (a fortune from his fine skill at betting on horses at the Jockey Club every day) from the ATM, shoves a few cheap Macau firecrackers up his tuchas, lights the fuse, and sends him back to New Macau, now under New Management.

(He loves New Macau because now all decent people are safe, because all the petty criminals have vanished, nobody knows where. The New Management are the same folks who made Tienamen Square safe. I don't speak Chinese, but I think the hippie druggie bums and criminals in Tienamen Square were saying something about la Liberdad.)

Then, when the Ninth Moon appears in the sky over Ciudad Vleeptron, two nice old men -- they were young men a very long time ago -- raise their glasss of wine and drink a toast to la Liberdad, and the entire population of Vleeptron do the same.

(A sourpuss chartered accountant who is always very busy doesn't like wine, so she drinks Jolt Cola, because it is Pay Vleptron Taxes Time, and Jolt Cola contains the maximum amount of caffeine allowed by law.)

Perhaps someday, if you believe in Bob, la Liberdad will return to the United States of America, and the FBI will return to its old central mission of keeping the USA safe from werewolves, vampires, and alien fiends from Outer Space who do the disgusting medical experiments on innocent Americans.

Until then, please forward all e-mail to my skinny little townhouse with the piano-hoisting hook at the top, Herengracht, Amsterdam. (Look for the family of ducks and ducklings -- their names are Kwik, Kwak en Kwek -- swimming in the beautiful, serene canal.)

If you don't want this INCOMPLETE to go on your Permanent Record, where it will follow, bother and haunt you for the rest of your lives, please complete the homework assignment at your earliest convenience.

Bob Merkin said...

Oooh oooh and it's even better when there is a goat on the bus! Or two or three! Isn't it wonderful when the farmer takes his goat for a wonderful day in the city? The goat will remember this special day for the rest of his life!
6:59 AM

3 Comments:

Blogger §J§ said...

Roberto,

I hate to break it down to you like this but... the truth is Portugal doesn't really exists! In fact, the Despicable Teacher and I, are nothing but two hippy junkheads, living in an ancient agrodependent community, lost is a valley somewhere between Austria and Guatemala.

Here are some FACTS:

1) the Portuguese People first appeared in a Marvel comic book, later destroyed by an obscure Canadian Army; so, Portugal is simply the result of cheap whisky and bad drawing skills;

2) Durão Barroso belongs, in fact, to a new breed - some sort of highly developed talking Teletubbie;

3) Turkey is a bird, not a country. Another Marvel invention...;

4) ABBA live in the center of the Earth and are the root and essence of Evil;

5) Salazar is alive and teaches, happily, in a Law School near Aula Magna. He is the proud father of two nazi carrots, one of them the former Minister of Defense in Portugal, which is pure speculation, since Portugal doesn't exists;

6) I am able to lick my own elbow;

7) Euro 2004 is Hollywood-made. Portugal is an imaginary place and even if it wasn't, it wouldn't have the necessary economical power to support that kind of event or else the portuguese peolpe would have to face a very serious crisis... thank Zeus it's all a motion picture!;

8) the Pacific Ocean is a private swimming pool, onwned by a Greek multi-trillionaire;

9) there isn't one single vegetarian connected with Greenpeace;

10) Oprah Winfrey is the reencarnation of Rocky Marciano.

This is enough... for now. We will keep in touch with you, soon as we think you're prepared.
Until then,

papalaäaia and good fortune.

Elvis Kerouac

23:16  
Blogger §J§ said...

connected to*

23:18  
Blogger Bob Merkin said...

Uh oh.

Does this mean linguica doesn't exist either?

03:39  

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