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06 June 2005

Bob contemplates nth High School Reunion, his Xqqr explodes

My nth High School Reunion is coming up in a month. Or less than a month. Or a little more than a month. Every time I open an e-mail from the Reunion Committee, I start to shake, and my Xqqr explodes, I get the rockin pneumonia and the boogy-woogy flu.

10 « n « none of your beeswax

WILSONITES! Welcome to Vleeptron! Please leave a Comment! BUT DO NOT INCLUDE THE EXACT DATE OF THE REUNION! Please! Doctor's Orders!

Okay so anyway about 7 minutes ago I just dumped this on the Reunion Website. Good idea? Will they agree to my demands?

Lorton is the heavy-duty max security prison for everybody who does something real naughty in Washington DC. Or is convicted of doing something real naughty because they have a crappy public defender. Or pleads guilty for same reason. It's way way south of DC, in Virginia. Don't go there. Unless it's like a Just Visiting deal. Then don't Visit long. It's suck.

Bob Merkin < back to messages

6/6/2005 4:38:27 AM

Okay, false alarm ... the Doctor says it WAS JUST A BIG ANXIETY ATTACK, and he has referred me to another specialist who treats HIGH SCHOOL REUNION-ASSOCIATED DISORDERS (HSRAD).

I have the following non-negotiable demands:

1. Diana Montague MUST be there

2. Tracy Wade MUST be there

3. Somebody MUST put the Heavy Manipulative Guilt Trip on Harriet Mowitt in Saratoga and tell her Bobby is having some kind of hissy-fit and says he will not go anywhere NEAR DC if she is not at the reunion, so Bobby and Harriett can Group Hug and Make Up, cause Harriet is mad at me and I don't know why, if it was the ocelot thing, I'm sorry about her ocelot, but she is my Bestest Wilson Friend, for decades we were closer than Spongebob and Patrick, and now she will not answer my phone calls from European hotels, and that sucks.

These demands are non-negotiable. These people MUST be at the Reunion or I am staying home and receiving treatment for my HSRAD.

Everybody read my new way cool rad phat bitchin awesome blog:

There's lots of Stuph about Murch, Deal, Wilson, including safety instructions for kids in case of incoming Soviet hydrogen bombs. Also the big-ass sign Miss Murphy had above the blackboard.

If Miss Murphy had asked me to whack a perfect stranger for her, I would now be serving life in Lorton. And smiling. If they would let me put her picture on the wall.

Any complaints about the Wilson stuff, leave a Comment. Just leave a Comment. Introduce yourself to the folks on Vleeptron.

God made me Special this way. Who has a problem with God's plan?

VLEEPTRON EXCLUSIVE: Very soon, within 1 or 2 days, Vleeptron will post Sra. Delia Lowman's Final Life Advice to Bobby, before she would agree to sign the clipboard and let me out of there already. Everybody remember the Award I got from the Vice Principal? That's right! A one-way Greyhound bus ticket good for 600 miles in any direction! Wheeeeeeeeeee!



Bob Merkin < back to messages

6/6/2005 4:39:54 AM

If my demands are satisfactorily achieved, can I pay at the door? If I go, it is going to be a Major Last-Minute thing.

I'm married now. Last time I brought the age-inappropriate person. Sorry about that.


Bob Merkin / back to messages

6/6/2005 5:50:50 AM

grrrrrr why won't this post grrrrrrr

Am I the only one who brought a truck last time?

Will I be the only one who brings a truck this time?

Different truck. Last one's engine blew on Mass Pike. This one, I gotta get out of the cab to turn the front wheel hubs to engage the 4WD. It's suck in blizzard. But great truck otherwise.

Jimmy -- wanna drive down in my truck? Better yet, wanna head down on the Accela? (giggle it's broken, nifty Amtrak train set broken) Okay, then on regular Amtrak? Bring instrument, play some Ives stuff because YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT OF THE CHARLES IVES SOCIETY AND THAT IS JUST SO AMAZING!!! AND YOU ARE THE CONDUCTOR OF ORCHESTRA NEW ENGLAND IN NEW HAVEN!!! You are a god to me. I can't even read music. Why didn't you make me stick with the piano lessons? You've ruined my life.

TRACY WADE did Wilson in a black cowboy hat. I want her there because I forgot to ask her, "Why do you wear a black cowboy hat?" Also because I would chop off a finger to talk to her again as if we were both in Sra Lowman's Home Room. With Alan Rutledge.

She lived near the DC Home for Incurables. It had a big sign out front that said DC Home for Incurables. You could read the sign from the inside of the DC Home for Incurables. Who designed all that? I thought it was muy creepy.


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