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06 June 2005

NEWS FLASH FROM CONFŒDERATIO HELVETICA!!!


Vleeptron Nightly Five or Six Moons
& Dwingeloo-2 Courier-Intelligencer

"All the News that fits, We print!"

from 2 hrs 33 minutes ago (I had to go downtown for some coffee beans and then I met a friend and we chatted on Pleasant Street.)

by Pat Z. Berlach
VIN Reporter On The Ground, Switzerland und Mitteleuropa, aber nichts Romantsch Cantonen
(sorry, no fotos von OUI JA NA GAE SI NO NEIN Billboards YET)

SOMEWHERE IN SWITZERLAND -- It was like watching a Hitchcock Thriller this Sunday afternoon while the results on the Schengen/Dublin Vote were slowly pouring in. In the end, it was a close call. 54.6 % of all voters said YES (JA SI GAE OUI), so 45.4 % of all voters said SOMETHING ELSE.

Under the Schengen/Dublin treaties Switzerland will agree to abandon systematic identity checks on its borders but link up to a Europe-wide electronic database on wanted and missing persons, illegal immigrants and property.

The Federal Government voiced its content on the outcome of the vote. "CH citizens want security in uncertain times. This vote will help us to intensify the cooperation on problems like illegal immigration and organized crime", said Mr S. Schmid, Head of the Federal Council, in a TV Interview this afternoon. He also stated that these treaties will have no immediate effect on SwiTzerland's Neutrality.

Members of the conservative People's Party meanwhile accused the current Government of being "cheaters" and "traitors". Their claim is that under these treaties Swiss Borders will not become safer and therefore easier for unwanted subjects to get in. A prominent member of the party even went as far as to urge the government to stop all negotiations with the EU with immediate effect and threatened a Referendum on the subject.

The Socialist and Green Party urged the Government to speed up negotiations for a full EU membership as its Prime Directive.

The campaign had been overshadowed by a public row between Mr C. Bloch€r, Minister for Police and Justice and the other Ministers. Mr Bloch€r, a fierce opponent of EU negotiations and form€r own€r of a ch€mical plant, which makes things you probably should not swim in, publically distanced, removed maybe, himself from the rest of the Government and caused a media uproar as it is not common for a Minister to voice opposition on a vote set up by the Federal Government. As of yet Mr Bloch€r, whose department will be most effected, has not made any comment on the outcome of the vote.

When finally the Minist€r comes out from under his Alp, serious expert political observers of the situation throughout Switzerland expect that surely he will speak The Mother of All Sauer Grapes and other Sore Loser stuff. Other expert observers, on condition of anonymity, are asking who is the female person riding in the stretch limo with the Minist€r, and is she old enough to vote, and can she lawfully vote in CH or is she a Foreign woman named Annika or that kind of NEIN Fat-Cat Affengesselschaft, which is very common with these kinds of things throughout recent European referenda regarding EU-related stuff. Other expert political observers say they cannot see much through the very dark tinted Fensters of the Chrysler Daimler Benz Mercedes stretch limo windows, which are designed so a person or more than one person in the back seat of the stretch limo can see outside if they want to, but ordinary walking Swiss hard-working pedestrians who work every day in chemical plants cannot see anything or much in the back seat of the stretch limo when it screams by with the official police escort and sirens to make everybody get out of the way of the Minister's stretch limo.

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