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19 March 2005

Apology for Earlier Unethical Sleazy Blog Scam

The author of this Blog wishes to apologize to all readers for two sleazy scams in previous Vleeptron posts.

The headlines of these posts had these big screaming notices that the posts were all about VIRGINS!!!

But when readers leapt on their trackballs to open these posts, the posts were actually about two exquisite, famous Renaissance Flemish tapestry tableaux about the Medieval legend of the Unicorn.

According to the legend and the tapestries, a unicorn will only approach a human female virgin. So hunters hiding behind her in the bushes can leap out and kill the unicorn and rip its horn out of its head.

I apologize for misleading any readers. I was depressed that people maybe weren't reading my Blog, and in a moment of Bad Judgment, I used unethical tricks to try to increase my readership. (I had originally titled the first post "How to Catch a Unicorn," but decided that was the fast track to zilch nada bupkis new readers.)

Okay, so now I want to make it up to you with some Real Stuff About Virgins. Real teenage virgins! Actual factual stuff about real living North American teenage virgins! Thousands of real virgins! Tens of thousands of real teenage virgins! And they have sex! Click here to read


Blogger SteveHeath said...

That's pretty good reading, all right.

Now when do we get to read about the Sacrifices and the Stone Daggers and Stuff?

I'm talking real Mel Gibson-like ceremony and production value of course....

Blogger Bob Merkin said...

Everybody gets so bent out of shape about virgins. It's real easy to get shot and killed, or decapitated in the public square, over virgins, even when the virgin says Yes Oh Boy Larry!

I read once that human beings are the only species that has that maidenhead thing, some physical evidence of virginity. Whose idea was that? Who ordered that? Goats and gorillas seem to get along perfectly without it.

I love to visit violent deadly active volcanos. Virgins and volcanos go together like peaches and cream, at least in cheesy Hollywood volcano movies.

In "Dragonslayer" (33 stars, says Bob, rent it tonight) they hold a lottery a few times a year to pick a virgin to toss down the cave to keep the angry dragon quiet. Volcanos and dragons don't want your Used Aunt Mildred. They want virgins.

Actually, if I'm ever in the Dating Market again, I want one of those Extra Virgins I've been hearing so much about lately. They must be really hot, everybody's talking about those Extra Virgins.


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