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NGO_Vleeptron (aka "Bob from Massachusetts") recently featured LIVE on BBC WORLD SERVICE, heard briefly by Gazillions!!!

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Location: Great Boreal Deciduous Hardwood Forest, New England, United States

old dude, all hair, swell new teeth

28 April 2005

ein sick puppy

Dearest Amy,

I'm really sorry I ever brought up this coprophilia thing. Your mother was right: Never play with anything meant for the toilet.

And I feel your pain as you initially tried so hard to be a modern up-to-date politically correct non-judgmental person, but then you remembered your mom's words, and you just couldn't. It's dirty! It's dirty! And anybody who does it is such a perv!

Well, anyway, you won some more pizza for knowing what it was. Please come East one of these days! Although SWMBO and I mutter very seriously about a trip to your neck of the woods. I want to see the big meteor crater, and she wants to go to the World's Capital of Tastelessness, where they worship Elvis the way people in Mecca worship Allah: Las Vegas. If this trip happens, we'll take you out for all the food you've won since you first identified the insulin molecule on my old dead website.

And meanwhile, I'd really appreciate it if you find a cure for diabetes. When Faulkner's editor called him in '49 to tell him he'd just won the Nobel Prize, Faulkner told him he couldn't go to Stockholm to accept because he didn't own a tuxedo. Could you tell us what outfit you'll wear when you win your Nobel for Medicine and Physiology? Say something nice about Rosalind Franklin in your speech. The three guys who won the DNA prize have all said her x-ray crystallographs deserved a chunk of the prize, but she died young, and the Nobel is never awarded posthumously.

la Science, c'est aussi pour les Jeunes Filles!

-- sign in a Toronto high school classroom

Oh, did you check out the rotating Thujone Fun Molecule? How can something with so few atoms be so much fun and cause so much trouble? But it does cure pinworms.

Okay, back to Phun with Pheces. DespicableTeacher has identified the tune for Mozart's No. 1 Euro Pop Song, "Leck mich im Arsch": K231 (the K stands for Ludwig Alois Ferdinand Ritter von
Köchel, the Mozart scholar who first ordered and catalogued all Mozart's compositions). Everybody click and sing along!

It's becoming clearer and clearer that Wolfgang was ein sick puppy.

But what about dennis? What you are about to read ... well ... this dennis guy ... does he hang on this Mozart List because he just loves the music of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart?

Or does he hang on this List because it's the hottest 18th Century Coprophilia Site on the Web? What up with dennis?

I just wanted to know some more stuff about Mozart, and that's when I got the scholarly bio, and had to reach for the dictionary to learn about this previously unsuspected perversion.

But does dennis know too much about Mozart?

Read this, sing these really swell Euro Pop Songs, and decide.


Subject: Mozart's "Kiss My XXX" Canons
From: dennis
To: All
Date Posted: 09:23:34 04/15/04 ()
Email Address:


In 1799 Constanze Mozart sent Breitkopf & Härtel several manuscripts including a list of "songs". Among this list of songs Item 21 reads "Three Canons Lek mich im Arsch". Constanze included a note saying she would be sending the Canons later and that their texts would have to be altered because they were "unruly". It is uncertain which canons she referred to but two were most likely--K231/382c, known by its incipit "Leck mich im Arsch" (Kiss my Ass) and K233/382e "Leck mir den Arsch fein recht schon sauber" (Kiss my ever so nice clean ass). The third was probably K234/384e "Bei der Hitz im Sommer ess ich" (In the heat of summer I eat). B & H published the 3 Canons with new texts: "Lasst froh uns seyn" (Lets be joyous), "Nichts labt mich mehr als Wien" (Nothing pleases me more than wine) and "Essen, Trinken, das erhalt den Leib" (Eating, drinking support love), only citing the first line of Mozart's original text. Not only these three, but six other canons were published by B & H with new suitable texts. However the other six texts are known to us from Mozart autographs, these first 3 canon texts have been lost to us. However a recently found set of the "Oeuvres Complettes" of Mozart's from ca. 1804 gives all 9 original canon texts that B & H suppressed. The original texts are entered just below B & H's printed words.

The authenticity of these 3 "Leck mich im Arsch" canons has been questioned by Albert Dunning in the Mozart-Jahrbuch and again in his NMA volume. Then in 1988 Wolfgang Plath established the music of K233 and K234 is most likely to be attributed to Wenzel Trnka (1739-1791), having been published before 1800 in "XII Canons for 3 Voices Composer Sig. Wenceslao Trnka", and again later by Aloys Fuchs under Trnka's name. Michael Ochs in a 1991 Mozart-Jahrbuch article hypothesized that Breitkopf & Härtel received the Mozart canon autographs from Constanze Mozart and made in-house copies of them; then on these copies were written the substitute texts, with a few modifications in the music to accommodate B & H's new words. Even though this is very plausible, unfortunately there is no evidence of any in-house copies and no clue where the autographs went to. Ochs reproduces the original text of Mozart's for the canons as follows:

K233 "Leck mire den A..recht schon, fein sauber lecke ihn, fein sauber lecke, leck mire den A...Das ist ein fettigs Begehren, nur gut mit Butter geschmiert, den das Lecken der Braten mein
tagliches Thun. Drei lecken mehr als Zweie, nur her, machet die Prob' und leckt, leckt, leckt. Jeder leckt sein A...fur sich".

K234: "Beider Hitz im Sommer ess ich gerne Wurzl und Krauter auch Butter und Rettig; treibt furtreflich Wind und kuhlet mich ab, und kuhlet mich ab. Ich nehm Limonade, Mandelmilch, auch zu
Zeiten Horner bier, auch zu Zeiten Horner Bier; das im heissen Somer nur, im Sommer nur. Ich fur mich in Eis gekuhlts Glas Wein, fur mich in Eis gekuhlts Glas Wein in Eis. Auch mein Glas

Remember Plath established most likely the music is by Trnka, but according to Ochs "we must nevertheless admit that the words have a definite Mozarteun ring. Their appearance...leads one to
speculate that Mozart fitted his own text to someone else's music, unlikely as that may seem. According to Plath, Trnka's canons originally had an Italian text (from Metastasio), and had been
changed to the coarse German by someone else, and then later attributed to Mozart.

K231: Leck mich im A...g'schwindi, g'schwindi!Leck im A...mich g'schwindi. Leck mich, leck mich, g'schwindi/etc. etc. etc."

A further possible "Leck mir Arsch" canon maybe K559. the text "Difficile lectu mihi Mars" apparently makes fun of Johann Nepomuk Peyerl (a Bavarian tenor in Mozart's circle). According to
an account by Gottfried Weber in 1824 one evening Mozart wrote out the nonsense Latin sounding words in the hope that Peyerl's accent would pronounce the words "Lectu mihi mars" as "leck du
mich im Arse". When this happened the party would turn the page over and find the mocking canon K560a "O du eselhafter Peirel", which is indeed written on the back of the K559 autograph. However Dunning in NMA shows there is reason to doubt this account. This canon also has Mozart versions using the names "Martin" and "Jakob". The Breitkopf & Härtel set spoken of earlier uses the word Reitknecht, perhaps used by B & H to make a text more presentable.

Another of Mozart's humorous canons is K232/509a "Lieber Freistaedtler, Lieber Gaulimauli" written most likely in summer of 1787, where Mozart pokes fun at a student, Franz Jakob
Freystadtler, whom he nicknamed "Gaulimauli" (horse-mouth) "Stachelschwein" (porcupine) and "Herr Lilienfeld (Mr. Lilyfield) in letters and a comedy sketched by himself.

In my favorite Canon K561, Mozart says good night with an insult in five languages, then ends by saying "Sleep tight, and stick your ass in your mouth". Again B & H made a complete re-texting for the canon.

Köchel had placed the "Leck mir Arsch" canons K231, 233 ,234 with the 1775 compositions, believing they fit well with Mozart's letters from his Salzburg years that used toilet language. In K3 Einstein moved them to Mozart's early Vienna years because of the "humorous social intercourse" which the texts reflect, renumbering them K382c,d and e. William Cowdery (1991) believes they might fit well with the similar obscene lyrics of the 1788 Canons. However Dunning pointed out that the earlier dated canons differ in their melodic flow from the "Vienna Canons" of 1787 and 1788, even placing a slight doubt on their authenticity. Regarding the Canons K559 and K560a Dunn believes they may have been written as early as 1786, as Peyerl was still in Salzburg to at least mid December 1785; so the earliest Mozart could have met him in Vienna was at the very end of December 1785 and most likely 1786. Mozart then batch entered the 9 canons at one time in his work catalogue on September 2, 1788. However Alan Tyson's NMA volume of watermarks places the Peyerl canon on a type of paper Mozart purchased after his return from Prague in December 1787 and predominately used in 1788, including all pages of K550 and K551, Symphonies #40 and #41.

All the Canons discussed here are available (in the Breitkopf & Härtel re-texting) on the Philips Complete Mozart Edition, volume 23.



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