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22 November 2005

AHGs taste a lot like whooping crane

Bob has just been slogging deep in the Bowels of the Vleeptron Archives -- go to Google's new Blog Search Engine, type in Vleeptron, stand back! -- and came across a reference to The American Heritage Girls.

Here is the deal with the American Heritage Girls. Apparently the first place some rents got pissed off at The Girls Scouts of America because the Girl Scouts had (in the rents' humble opinon) gotten all left-wing liberal whacky with Tolerance for Gays, Lesbians, the Transgendered, Bisexuals, and with Sex Education (as opposed to 100% Abstinence unto Hetero Marriage), was Texas. (Color Vleeptron shocked.)

So they revolted, dragged their female children away from the Girl Scouts before it was Too Late and the Girl Scouts had led them unto Fates Worse Than Death, and founded a New Organization:

A group even squarer than the Girl Scouts.

Like, is that scary or what?

Well, Vleeptron hasn't checked in with the American Heritage Girls for many months, and here's some New Stuff from their awesome mega-slick website. (Don't let your 11-year-old daughter read the AHG website, because it promises every American Christian girl So Much Gosh-Durn Fun that you'll have to spend a metric shitload on a Kult Deprogrammer for a year, and even that might not work.)

Read this pledge, sign this pledge, and you can get this nifty Merit Badge!


Internet Safety Pledge

Our Family Internet Agreement

The Internet can be a fun and exciting place, it can also be a dangerous one. Make your experience online fun and safe. Show your parents/guardian how responsible and smart you are by printing out this pledge, saying it out loud to your parents/guardian, and sign it.

Our family agrees to surf safely and will obey the following rules:


* I will maintain open communication with my children and let them know they can always come to me if they find something harmful on the Internet.

* I will honestly talk with my children about the dangers of the Internet and do my best to protect them from harmful sites.


* I will not give out personal information such as my address, telephone number, parents’/guardians’ work address/ telephone number, or the name and location of my school without my parents’/guardians’ permission.

* I will tell my parents/teachers immediately if someone makes me uncomfortable, or if I come across material that makes me uneasy. I will not respond to any messages that are mean or in any way make me feel uncomfortable. I will tell my parents/guardians right away so that they can contact the online service.

* I will not meet with someone I have met online. I will discuss all conversations with my parents/teachers if someone keeps asking to meet with me. If my parents/guardians agree to the meeting, I will be sure that it is in a public place and bring my parent or guardian along.

* I will not send pictures of myself or my family to someone I just met in a chatroom, message board, etc. I promise to check with my parents first before sending anything, since I cannot be sure that the person I am sending to is for real or not.

* I will not download pictures or computer files from the internet. These files may have viruses and could be harmful to my computer.

* I will not believe everything I read online.I will confirm facts to insure accuracy.

* I will talk with my parents/guardians so that we can set up rules for going online. We will decide upon the time of day that I can be online, the length of time I can be online, and appropriate areas for me to visit. I will not access other areas or break these rules without their permission.


* I will not allow my time on the Internet to interfere with my family time or other responsibilities, such as homework, chores or work.

* I will not give out any passwords to anyone outside the family, even to friends.

* I will remember that even though I can’t see the people I talk to online, they are real people.
I will not be rude or mean to others online just because they are not in the room with me.

* I will be cautious of what I see and who I talk to online. I understand that not everything I see online will be true or that people I talk to will always be telling the truth.

Specific Rules for Our Family:

(Include rules pertaining to length of time allowed on Internet, what times of day, what sites are/are not allowed, rules on chat rooms, e-mail, etc.)

Girl's Signature__________________________________ Date ________________

Parent(s)/Guardian Signature______________________ Date _________________

Adapted from Family First's Internet Pledge


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