don't get ripped off like I did

VLEEPTRON CONSUMER WARNING

"Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith" is being released, and the Big Box store toy aisles are filling up with Star Wars crapola, including, inevitably, space ray blaster phaser pistols and Jedi light sabres.

Vleeptron, which has one of the finest collections of cheap plastic space ray laser/phaser blaster pistols in both Dwingeloo galaxies, has had unpleasant previous experiences with authorized Star Wars merchandise.

Specifically, the Imperial Storm Trooper blaster rifle (with faux space rust) has an intentionally muted, quiet blast noise so that it will not drive parents crazy on rainy days.

Space death blaster weapons which are whisper-quiet often have no effect on a Saperstein's Lesser Snrq which is attacking you on a distant planet or in the living room.

Before purchasing Star Wars authorized space weapons, always make sure you check the Loudness Level of the weapon to make sure it makes a really loud, piercing, annoying noise, like cheap no-name no-label space ray phaser death blaster weapons from Malaysia and China. (Authorized Star Wars space blaster weapons can be three or four times more expensive. Don't pay more and get less.)

If you plan to spend $499 for the Han Solo Limited Edition Empire Strikes Back Blaster (ships 13 May 2005), help is now available. Contact the Ciudad Vleeptron Community Psychiatric Clinic, and ask for Maria.