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Location: Great Boreal Deciduous Hardwood Forest, New England, United States

old dude, all hair, swell new teeth

02 May 2005

don't get ripped off like I did


VLEEPTRON CONSUMER WARNING

"Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith" is being released, and the Big Box store toy aisles are filling up with Star Wars crapola, including, inevitably, space ray blaster phaser pistols and Jedi light sabres.

Vleeptron, which has one of the finest collections of cheap plastic space ray laser/phaser blaster pistols in both Dwingeloo galaxies, has had unpleasant previous experiences with authorized Star Wars merchandise.

Specifically, the Imperial Storm Trooper blaster rifle (with faux space rust) has an intentionally muted, quiet blast noise so that it will not drive parents crazy on rainy days.

Space death blaster weapons which are whisper-quiet often have no effect on a Saperstein's Lesser Snrq which is attacking you on a distant planet or in the living room.

Before purchasing Star Wars authorized space weapons, always make sure you check the Loudness Level of the weapon to make sure it makes a really loud, piercing, annoying noise, like cheap no-name no-label space ray phaser death blaster weapons from Malaysia and China. (Authorized Star Wars space blaster weapons can be three or four times more expensive. Don't pay more and get less.)

If you plan to spend $499 for the Han Solo Limited Edition Empire Strikes Back Blaster (ships 13 May 2005), help is now available. Contact the Ciudad Vleeptron Community Psychiatric Clinic, and ask for Maria.

2 Comments:

Blogger Joana said...

Anf if you want a nice sabre you can get it from here, you can check the noises it makes and all :)

http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/LIGSABVAR.htm

09:58  
Blogger Bob Merkin said...

hmmmm ... 99.95 UK Pounds = U$190.072 ... hmmmm ... these people need to call Maria at the psychiatric clinic.

down at the very bottom there are 3 photos of Satisfied Light Sabre Users. The middle one ... click on the middle one. These people are having more fun than Jeff & Akbar. They must be a couple, what they are doing with their Sabres is far too intimate for just ordinary friends (older than 12). Will their relationship last? Who else would understand these people? Where else can a $190 Light Sabre Guy find a $190 Light Sabre Babe to duel with?

Another Satisfied User says his Sabre does everything the original does, except dismember.

As for the rest of you: Trust your instincts, Luke.

15:24  

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