brain-dead syntho-shitkicker Vietnam-era song

It's the 30th anniversary of the end of the Vietnam War, give or take a couple of days. As a little bit of Vietnam War Nostalgia, the Vleeptron Tabernacle Choir would like to perform, without comment, one of the most famous songs of that era.

Oh, okay, a little comment. If "Peace Train" was the anthem for the Anti-War Peace Freaks, "Okie from Muskogee" was the Pro-War Chevy Pickup Truck with gun racks. The idea was that everybody in this part of the USA was 100 percent solidly behind the war, heterosexuality, monogamous matrimony, family values, patriotism, good citizenship, and beer, which is legal in the United States. I happen to know that's not exactly true, but they figured if they played this brain-dead syntho-shitkicker song enough times, people would believe that's how the folks are in Oklahoma. And yes, they do smoke marijuana in Oklahoma, and the state is delighted to throw you in prison for a decade or two.

They're probably half-right; Oklahomans who aren't brain-dead and flag-simple get the hell out of Oklahoma as soon as they possibly can. Woody Guthrie was from Oklahoma, and started wandering and folksinging pretty young. I can't imagine he went back to Oklahoma very often.

If you right-click "open link in new window," maybe the midi will start playing but you can keep reading the lyrics so you can sing along. The arrangement captures the musical vacuity and talentlessness of the original version, by the vacuous and talentless Merle Haggard. Note the veiled reference to troilism -- which they don't do in Muskogee, Oklahoma, You Es Ay, but which the hippies out in San Francisco do. Old Glory is the USA flag, and white lightnin(g) is superstrong home-distilled corn (maize) whiskey, illegal because the moonshiners who make it secretly in the woods aren't paying federal whiskey tax on it.

You can also find these lyrics on the website of Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys, apparently Kinky and the Jewboys like to sing this song at their concerts. Kinky also writes mystery novels, and is running for Governor of Texas in 2006. I hope he wins. He would probably snuff a lot less death-row inmates (Texas has the largest state prison system in the USA and executes human beings the way I eat potato chips) than former Texas Governor George W. Bush Jr.

Okie from Muskogee
by Roy Edward Burris and Merle Ronald Haggard (1967)

We don't smoke marijuana in Muskogee
We don't take our trips on LSD
We don't burn our draft cards down on Main Street
We like livin' right, and bein' free

I'm proud to be an Okie from Muskogee
A place where even squares can have a ball
We still wave Old Glory down at the courthouse
And white lightnin's still the biggest thrill of all

We don't make a party out of lovin'
We like holdin' hands and pitchin' woo
We don't let our hair grow long and shaggy,
Like the hippies out in San Francisco do

And I'm proud to be an Okie from Muskogee
A place where even squares can have a ball
We still wave Old Glory down at the courthouse
And white lightnin's still the biggest thrill of all

Leather boots are still in style for manly footwear
Beads and Roman sandals won't be seen
Football's still the roughest thing on campus
And the kids here still respect the college dean

We still wave Old Glory down at the courthouse
In Muskogee, Oklahoma, USA