News, Weather, Mozart, Sports, Eurovision Love Ænema & Perverted Videogames from Vleeptron

NGO_Vleeptron (aka "Bob from Massachusetts") recently featured LIVE on BBC WORLD SERVICE, heard briefly by Gazillions!!!

My Photo
Location: Great Boreal Deciduous Hardwood Forest, New England, United States

old dude, all hair, swell new teeth

29 November 2005

sound of Arctic / Antarctic Subzero Wind: WHOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

You know the Click drill.

Planned Expedition Transportation for upcoming Vleeptron Sub-CircumPolar Expedition to Iqaluit, Nunavut (still in Planning & Financing Phase). Hmmm what maybe, this part of the Expedition will cost like C$0.75 per kilometer? No, probably less. Many alternative modes of transport available if bus not running that day. Dogs. Pulling sleds. Make the guy a deal, and you're off to Pangnirtung (land of the young caribou) glacier!

cc: Ice Cube, at sea in the Antarctic Ocean.

posted by Bob Merkin | 12:29


patfromch said...

VALLEE: 2. I don't go, let me say

S: 1. frightened me a little, because it seemed endless.

V: 2. this again, I don't go for this northmanship at all.

S: 1. We seemed to be going into nowhere, and the further north we went

V: 2. I don't knock those people who do claim that they want to go farther and

S: 1. the more monotonous it became. There was nothing but snow

V: 2. farther north, but I see it as a game -- this northmanship bit. People say "well,

S: 1. and, to our right, the waters of Hudson's [sic] Bay.

V: 2. were you ever up at the North Pole?"

S: 1. … Now this was my impression

V: 2. "And, hell, I did a dog-sled trip of 22 days,"

S: 1. during the winter, but I also flew over the country

V: 2. and the other fellow says "well, I did one of 30 days."


Bob Merkin said...

the train part of my Expedition to Hudson's Bay (I say Hudson's and I say the hell with it) began in Toronto and took about 3 days to reach Churchill, Manitoba.

the most amazing astonishing thing that happened -- and there were many, including me this far |---------| from the snout of a Polar Bear -- was on the Civilized Inter-City Train from Toronto to Winnipeg. About 95 percent of all Canadians live in the Big-City Southern Narrow Highway-Train-Industrial Belt from Quebec City to Winnipeg, within 50 miles / 80 kilometers of the U.S. Border. Most Canadians are skyscraper superhighway high-speed electric running hot water elevator people.

Over dinner in the very nice dining car, I told a Canadian husband and wife where my backpack and I were going.

They looked at me like I was crazy.

"Why do you want to go there?" the wife asked. "There's nothing up there."

Your dialogue is describing the classic symptoms of Arctomania. The instant you get infected with Arctomania, you cannot immediately that week mount an Expedition Direct to the North Pole. You must start small. Baby steps.

Moosonee, on the southern tip of James Bay, you can get to eight hours after you lock your car doors in a car park.

Churchill -- 2.5 days on a train from Winnipeg north to Hudson Bay. In Churchill,


or else a polar bear will wander into the store or restaurant or hotel after you and try to kill someone. In peak tourist bear-watching season, there are no hotel reservations, the place is packed and jammed, but the main street (I think it's called Only Street) looks like a Ghost Town, always almost deserted, no one in sight. If you see someone in the street, he/she is running, pretty briskly. Not good to tarry or dawdle or loiter during Polar Bear season. Adidas and Nikes better than boots if snow not too deep.

The sad part about being killed by a Polar Bear is that after the PB knocks you down with one swipe of his massive arm, he sniffs you and licks you, maybe just a little taste -- and then he spits you out and walks away. PB does not like the way humans taste. We do not have the right kind of fat (seal fat) and we don't have enough fat.

Did you find the tiny dot
Nain on the map yet? So far this is the craziest farthest north in the Circumpolar Arctomaniacal Polaris World I have Planted My Expedition Flag yet. You understand -- my Polar Expeditions are not funded and subsidized and sponsored by Miskatonic University or the National Geographic Society or CVS Pharmacy or Hooters Restaurants. I am schlepping ever nearer The North Pole on the financial strength of my MasterCard and Visa. I am heading for the North Pole dependent almost entirely on Public Transportation: buses, trains, ferries.

To The Stars by Greyhound Bus.

(But if you need to take a taxi in some of these places -- Oh man you should Dig Those Crazy Taxis! Caterpillar tank treads instead of wheels! All home-made Krazy Snowmobile Junkyard Recycled Vehicles. Or with giant 4-wheel-drive wheels as tall as an adult, the cab is 2 meters above the ground. This taxi driver can and will take you ANYWHERE!)

Better: Rent your own 4-wheel All-Terrain Vehicle and just drive 20 miles out of town all by yourself in PB Season because you are Suicidally Insane and Unsupervised. I know a guy who did that. I am embarrassed to tell you How Well I Know This Guy. I know this guy Very Intimately.

Now my new motto is: IQALUIT OR BUST

(See map.)

btw Ice Cube's BROTHER HAS ALREADY BEEN TO IQALUIT!!!!!!!! Just 4 hours in the Iqaluit Airport (windsock and short "Good Luck!" runway) waiting for the next plane. But this #&*%^#*&%^ has been to Iqaluit before ME!!!!!!

He had business up there. He was buying new champion sled dogs for his team and for his wife's team.

I feel bad about the PBs just trying to eat something that tastes good. From now on when I am in These Parts, I will carry a bottle of Barbecue Sauce in my pocket.

Yes, the Canadian husband and wife were right.
There's nothing up there.

Bob Merkin said...

Also I like to go places where the guy or woman in the seat across from you genuflects whenever the plane takes off or tries to land. THAT'S my idea of FLYING!

One time on the ferry from Yarmouth, Nova Scotia, to Portland, Maine, the ship's crew was vomiting! For the last 2 hours of the voyage, a woman in the lounge was just constantly non-stop weeping.

Where's my Pizza? I missed it the first time, but of course you are quoting the most amazing Radio Documentary ever recorded and broadcast:
The Idea of North, by the late Canadian pianist Glenn Gould. The CBC phoned him and asked what he'd like to contribute for their huge 50th or 75th Anniversary celebration, and he asked, "Can I make a Radio Documentary about the Canadian Arctic?"

All Vleeptroids are herewith commanded to get your hands on The Idea of North, make everybody else in the house go away for an hour or two, and listen to every second of it.

Most of it is about the same Winnipeg-Churchill train trip thru the Vast Canadian Wilderness that I took. (I knew which seat he sat in on the train and I sat there the whole time, too.
I sat on the Ghost's Lap all the way to Hudson's Bay.)


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