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old dude, all hair, swell new teeth

21 September 2005

Travel to Zero/Zero, collect $$$$$$$$$$$$$

A 1965 100-franc note of Benin

If I remember correctly, Zero Latitude and Zero Longitude lie somewhere in the Atlantic waters off the west coast of Africa known as the Bight of Benin. I'm busy and can't go to Benin (in Colonial days known as Dahomey) to collect my 25 percent of this U$14,300,000 which awaits any trustworthy and intrepid adventurer.

If I went, I'd charter a fishing boat so I could see what Zero/Zero on the Earth's Surface looks like. Of course I'd need a Nautical Chart:

The Bellman himself they all praised to the skies --
Such a carriage, such ease and such grace!
Such solemnity, too! One could see he was wise,
The moment one looked in his face!

He had bought a large map representing the sea,
Without the least vestige of land:
And the crew were much pleased when they found it to be
A map they could all understand.

"What's the good of Mercator's North Poles and Equators,
Tropics, Zones, and Meridian Lines?"
So the Bellman would cry: and the crew would reply
"They are merely conventional signs!

"Other maps are such shapes, with their islands and capes!
But we've got our brave Captain to thank:
(So the crew would protest) "that he's bought us the best--
A perfect and absolute blank!"

This was charming, no doubt; but they shortly found out
That the Captain they trusted so well
Had only one notion for crossing the ocean,
And that was to tingle his bell.

-- "The Hunting of the Snark"
(Fit the Second) by Lewis Carroll

But as a Finder's Fee, please bring me back a tacky souvenir from the Benin airport, also maybe some postcards. Also if this really works out for you, take me out for a fancy lobster dinner. I don't think that's too much to ask. Good luck! Break a leg! Bon chance! Muita Merda!


Dear Friend,

I am John Kerekou, an attorney to Mr. Robert Wilson,( the MD Menemenlioglu construction sarl ) of your country Origin. Unfortunately he died in the plane crash of Union Transport Africaines Flight Boeing 727 in Cotonou Benin Republic on the December 25, 2003.

Before his death on the 25th December 2003, Mr. Robert Wilson had a fixed deposit account with Eco Bank Benin, and no other person outside the bank knows about this account or any thing concerning it, the account has no other beneficiary and my investigation proved that his Supposed next of kin died along with him in the crash.

Since then I have made several enquiries to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful.After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to contact you. I contacted you to assist in transferring the money left behind by my client to your nominated Account before the bank confiscates the fund.

Consequently, since l have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 5 weeks now. I seek your consent, to present you as the next of kin of the deceased so that the proceeds of this account valued at US$14.3 million can be paid into your account and thereafter you and can share the money.75% to me and my colleagues 25% to you.

We shall procure all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make. All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us seeing this deal through.I guarantee that this deal will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. All document of transaction shall be destroyed immediately we receive this money leaving no trace behind.

If this proposal is acceptable to you, kindly email the following information to me via ( )
a. Complete names
b. Private telephone number
c. Private fax number
d. Private email
Have a nice day and God bless.

John Kerekou


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