Pick date of Mike Brown's exit from FEMA, win bubble gum

Okay, let's get right down to it: How long will Mike D. Brown last as the head of FEMA?

We'll do a Pool thing. Pick a calendar date. If he resigns or is fired on that date, you win a bunch of bubble gum, maybe with baseball cards in it. Or if you pick the closest date to the date Mighty Mike leaves the FEMA job.

Mike has asked the media on the ground in New Orleans to stop taking photographs and video of uncollected dead bodies. Because he wants Americans to focus on the positive aspects of the recovery efforts.

A nice thing about President Bill Clinton: Although he, too, used FEMA as a dumping ground for his political pals, he chose them from state emergency administrators -- in other words, under Clinton, FEMA's top administrators actually had experience in disaster management.

Listen, I sympathize with Mike Brown's resume problems. Sometimes my resume says I was a student. Sometimes my resume says I was a distinguished professor -- I get them mixed up. Or my secretary made a mistake when she read my notes and typed up my resume. Sometimes my resume says I won the Nobel Chemistry Prize. But that was a mistake. I didn't really. I did have a Gilbert Chemistry Set when I was a kid, though. I'm sorry for any misunderstandings.