Termite Culture: Sauer Grapes from Helvetia & Lusitania

§J§ said...

a fate worse than death... to hear the portuguese song...
5:06 AM

Bob Merkin said...

SWITZERLAND- "Cool Vibes" - Vanilla Ninja

8. PORTUGAL- "Amar"- 2B
6:20 PM

Bob Merkin said...

any other Euro lurkers? identify yourself, i will find what i can about your country's entry.
6:20 PM

pat's pub said...

This EuroSong thing is what Dave Berry describes as "Termite Culture", I think. Panem et circenses for the masses. Not my cup of tea, thank you.

Before I start ranting about the Decline of Western Civilisation, here is some Termite Trivia and Gossip for you...

Vanilla Ninja is nothing but an artificial girlgroup made up of 4 teenagers from Latvia (or Estona ? Who cares ? The Hype will be over soon). When it was announced that this would be Switzerland's entry for this year, the local media ranted about the fact that we are not able to find any local talent and that the song is in english (and what a stupid song it is....). They ranted even more when their german producer was accused of buying his own records into the charts. Now that they were quite successful, the local media is raving like nothing has happened and the Ninjas are Everybody's Darling...untill they will be replaced by another talentless plastic marketing product in a few weeks.....

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Cool Vibes
by Vanilla Ninja

Don't want ya to lead me to the dark
Don't need ya to tear my heart apart
Don't do that, though people say that you're my enemy
I know you can set me free

Don't want ya to come so close to me
Don't need ya to blow my fantasy
But I know that you are livin' far beyond those lies
I can see the danger rise in your eyes

Cool vibes, why don't you kill me
Cool vibes, why don't you turn your eyes away
Can't you see we're free to die
Cool vibes, all we can do is fight and pray

Cool vibes, why don't you thrill me
Cool vibes, why don't you kill me
All that I can see are shadows of my destiny

Don't want you to make me feel afraid
Don't need you to take away the hate
But I know that you will break the seal of mystery
Leave it to my fantasy, what will be

Cool vibes, why don't you kill me
Cool vibes, why don't you turn your eyes away
Can't you see we're free to die
Cool vibes, all we can do is fight and pray

Cool vibes, why don't you thrill me
Cool vibes, why don't you kill me
All that I can see are shadows of my destiny

Stay close to me, infinity
Enigma's what we share
But I don't care
You'll be there

Cool vibes, why don't you kill me
Cool vibes, why don't you turn your eyes away
Can't you see we're free to die
Cool vibes, all we can do is fight and pray
(For some broken heroes)

Cool vibes, why don't you thrill me
Cool vibes, why don't you kill me
All that I can see are shadows of my destiny

==============================

Amar
by 2B

O céu às vezes foge
Procura outro lugar
Onde o Sol não cabe
E a Lua não quer ficar

De mar em mar, hey
Ver e vencer, hey
Amar, amar
Sempre, sempre, anyway
De mar em mar, hey
Ver e vencer, hey
Amar, amar
Always, day by day

Só quem não quer amar
Olha sem ver

Happy pretty way, happy shiny day
Happy place to stay, we can hold it together
Happy pretty way, happy shiny day
Happy place to stay, we can hold it forever

Pretty people shining, a pretty place to stay
Brand new kind of face, I love you anyway
Fight for the love that I miss, ask me to stay

Happy pretty way, happy shiny day
Happy place to stay, we can hold it together
Happy pretty way, happy shiny day
Happy place to stay, we can hold it forever

Happy pretty way, very shiny day
Happy place to stay, we can hold it together
Happy pretty way, happy shiny day
Happy place to stay, we can hold it forever

De mar em mar
Ver e vencer
Amar, amar
Ask me to stay
Amar

(Happy pretty way, happy shiny day)
(Happy place to stay, we can hold it together)
(Happy pretty way, happy shiny day)
(Happy place to stay, we can hold it forever)

Pretty way, happy, happy shiny day
A brand new day, happy, happy place to stay
Pretty way, happy, happy shinny day
A brand new day, happy, happy place to stay

==============================

Well, I've seen Sour Grapes before, but these are the Sourest (sauerst?). You're both just bitter and angry that Helvetia's and Lusitania's wonderful, talented young pop entertainers were defeated, in the most important entertainment competition in the Solar System, by those goddam Greeks.

I can't believe that, after the notorious International War Crime Trials of Milli Vanilli for just pretending to sing, ANY pop group would have ANY variant of "vanilla" in its name through the end of time. Vanilla Ninja has spheres, cojones, huevos, bigtime chutzpah. (Was that really them singing? Did they offer proof? Electronically analyzed voiceprints?)

Like Euro soccer/football and the Offsides Rule, we in the United States have barely ever heard of the Eurovision Song Contest, and we have never seen it, it is not broadcast on USA television, and I doubt in Canada, too. (I could buy a satellite dish, but not bloody likely for this.)

But we have seen the Eurovision Contest's skat, the little coproliths and pú that it leaves behind: ABBA and Riverdance.

But one night many years ago, during an extended Wanderlust episode, I collapsed on my bed in a little hotel in Aberdeen, Scotland, and turned on the TV. It was, by complete accident, the night of the Eurovision International Song Contest.

Wow! Unglaublich!
Não compreendo!

I am a Proud American. I thought I knew kitsch and schlock, I thought I knew schmaltz (chicken fat) and Big White Bleached Teeth and Enormous Smiles the length of the Verazanno Narrows Bridge. I thought I knew sequined blue and gold lamé tuxedos causing mass blindness as they reflect the gazillion-candlepower spotlights. I thought I knew Bad, Excruciating, Fingernails-on-Blackboard Singing. I thought I knew Adorable. I thought I knew Cute.

I knew nothing, nada, bupkis, zilch, zero, cero, zorro. America knows less about these Things than it knows about footie.

But I learned that night. As I lay supine on that Scottish hotel bed and injected an extra 200 units of insulin, I got my Ph.D. in Schmaltzology and Kitsch Science. Mesmerizing. Hypnotic. I could not look away for a single second.

I have been a closet Yankee fan of the Eurovision Song Contest ever since. God Bless the Internet! Our American TV is no help at all. But through the Magic of the Internet, I have been able to follow the Eurovision Song Contest year after year. (The cost of the extra insulin is driving me bankrupt.)

Last year the Contest had a USA entry!!!

UNITED STATES "Hit That" Offspring

(Never heard of 'em.)

* Droog4 gazes longingly at his giant bedroom poster of Michael Flatley, The Lord of the Dance .............

I love to sing Prince songs in the shower, but every day I risk my life by imitating Riverdance in the shower, too. The most common cause of home injuries in the Republic of Ireland is people trying to imitate the Lord of the Dance in their showers.

PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT
TO DO THIS AT HOME.
RIVERDANCE ONLY ON
APPROVED WOODEN STAGES.

I have my prejudices, too. Although I have never visited Israel, and would like to pour 12 liters of old motor oil on its current PM Ariel Sharon, and send him to a Gas Giant Planet on the Zeta Beam, I am Jewish, and so have a very soft spot in my heart for the most wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous and talented singer who has ever graced the stage of the Eurovision Song Contest.

Please, if you love beautiful women, and if you love music and wonderful entertainment, read her story. Learn about our new Maria Callas, our new Jenny Lind:

DANA INTERNATIONAL

It is a story, above all, of Hope. Now every young man anywhere in the world can dream of having his kielbasa surgically removed, and having chest melons added, and after waking from the anesthesia, going on to win the Eurovision Song Contest. A dream, a magical dream of forbidden undergarments.

And ABBA -- what can I say? My heart owes them everything. For decades, their magical songs have touched my heart on a thousand unavoidable elevator rides (am I supposed to walk up 12 flights of stairs just to avoid ABBA?) as it wafts through the speaker and no button on the elevator control panel can shut it off -- and I have tried every button. I hear them sing "Fernando," I hear the first few notes of "Dancing Queen," and I want to be Swedish, I want to be four beautiful talented young people in Stockholm, I want to be A, I want to be B, I want to be the other B, I want to be the other A, I want to be blond. Only strong pharmaceutical drugs can get me through these Scandinavian Desires.

A year ago, an adorable, schmaltzy Kanary from Kiev won the Eurovision Song Contest -- and that meant that this year's Contest would be held in KIEV/KYIV!!! In the Ukraine! A creepy, dangerous, wild place where nobody in his right mind has ever wanted to go if he or she had any choice in the matter.

(When we got to Praha, my 13-year-old nephew said, "Uncle Bob, can we go farther East?" Uncle Bob said: "No.")

But suddenly All of Europe would be buying plane and train and bus tickets to come to Kiev!!!! For the first time in modern history, all the hotels in Kiev would have the NO VACANCY sign on!!!

When the Ukrainian Minister of Tourism (also the Slavic world's undisputed Solitaire champion, a guy whose telephone had not rung in six years) recovered from his shock, he began making the Big Plans for Kiev's Big Night.

And then tragedy struck -- the disputed election, the mass street demonstrations in the middle of winter's deep freeze, the world's media attention, Jimmy Carter sticking his nose in other peoples' business, the worry the old Sour Grapes president would start shooting at the angry crowds.

Someday the Tourism Minister's story can be told. But no way was the Ukraine Minister of Tourism going to let a little political crisis screw the pooch on this one. He worked ceaselessly, heroically behind the scenes, bribing, pleading, threatening, begging, threatening to sing ABBA songs, and managed to resolve the disputed election, and end the Ukrainian political crisis.

Today there is true democracy in the Ukraine. Because ............

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!
BREAK A LEG!
MUITA MERDA!

Country ......... Singer ............... Song
==============================================================
Albania ......... Ledina Celo .......... "Neser shkoj"
Andorra ......... Marian van der Wal ... "La mirada interior"
Austria Global .. Kryner ............... "Y así"
Belarus ......... Angelica Agurbash .... "Love me tonight"
Belgium ......... Nuno Resende ......... "The Big Night"
Bosnia-
Herzegovina ..... Feminnem ............. "Zovi"
Bulgaria ........ Kaffe ................ "Lorraine"
Croatia ......... Boris Novkovic' feat.
................. Lado members ......... "Vukovi umiru sami"
Cyprus .......... Constantinos
................. Christoforou ......... "Ela ela"
Denmark ......... Jacob Sveistrup ...... "Tænder på dig"
Estonia ......... Suntribe ............. "Let's get loud"
Finland ......... Geir Rönning ......... "Why"
France .......... Ortal ................ "Chacun pense à soi"
FYR
Macedonia ....... Martin Vucic ......... "Ti si son"
Germany ......... Gracia ............... "Run & Hide"

Greece
Helena Paparizou
"My Number One"

Hungary ......... NOX .................. "Forogj világ"
Iceland ......... Selma ................ "If I Had Your Love"
Ireland ......... Donna and Joe ........ "Love"
Israel .......... Shiri Maimon ......... "Hasheket Shenish'ar"
Latvia .......... Walters & Kazha ...... "The War Is Not Over"
Lithuania ....... Laura & The Lovers ... "Little By Little"
Malta ........... Chiara ............... "Angel"
Moldova ......... Zdob si Zdub ......... "Boonika Bate Toba"
Monaco .......... Lise Darly ........... "Tout de moi"
Netherlands ..... Glennis Grace ........ "My Impossible Dream"
Norway .......... Wig Wam .............. "In My Dreams"
Poland .......... Ivan & Delfin ........ "Czarna dziewczyna"
Portugal ........ 2B ................... "Amar"
Romania ......... Luminita Anghel
................. & Sistem ............. "Let me try"
Russia .......... Natalia Podolskaya ... "Nobody Hurt No One"
Serbia &
Montenegro ...... No Name .............. "Zauvijek Moja"
Slovenia ........ Omar Naber ........... "Stop"
Spain ........... Son de Sol ........... "Brujería"
Sweden .......... Martin Stenmarck ..... "Las Vegas"
Switzerland ..... Vanilla Ninja ........ "Cool Vibes"
Turkey .......... Gülseren ............. "Rim rimi ley"
Ukraine ......... Greenjolly ........... "Razom nas bahato"
United
Kingdom ........ Javine ................ "Touch My Fire"
Vleeptron ...... Snwøødøø & Pëëpså ..... "I Touch Your Võrkþ,
......................................... My Xqqr Explodes"
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