News, Weather, Mozart, Sports, Eurovision Love Ænema & Perverted Videogames from Vleeptron

NGO_Vleeptron (aka "Bob from Massachusetts") recently featured LIVE on BBC WORLD SERVICE, heard briefly by Gazillions!!!

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Location: Great Boreal Deciduous Hardwood Forest, New England, United States

old dude, all hair, swell new teeth

09 March 2006

bob's secret life of Evil on eBay or xBay or zBay or øBay; also: drafting a poiuyt


You have a right to know what I do on my computer when I'm not Vleeptroning. I defraud the life savings from crippled 87-year-old old ladies who desperately need cheap wheelchairs. (There's an Elmore Leonard novel about a big-city junky who makes his living stealing momentarily unattended wheelchairs, a Low Moment in Contemporary Ethics.)

And now my Evil Deeds have caught up with me. Another disgruntled eBay customer is threatening to call the cops. Like Enron, Vleeptron may not be long for this world.

====================

This fucking poiuyt is the hardest thing I have ever tried to draft. It took about 40 minutes to draw this object accurately, with an already-drawn model posing in a little window in the corner of my screen.

So far I have used two models in drawing my Visual Art: this Thang, and a Brio wooden clown made of about 8 differently-colored wooden discs with holes that reside on a vertical dowel. The clown posed in the nude for me. I paid him in cigarettes and cheap beer (Golden Anniversary). I heard a few years ago he'd moved to Cap St. Jacques and was friends with Gary Glitter. la Vie Bohemienne.

I like to translate "la Boheme" as "the Hippie Chick."

One possible theory about why it's so fucking hard to draft this simple object -- straight lines, rght angles and 3 identical circles -- is that it is a 2-dimensional representation of a 3-dimensional object which does not and cannot exist in the 3-dimensional space you and I reside in. The poiuyt is a Platonic Object. Platonic Objects resideth in a Locus (not a Place, if you say Place the professor takes off 20 points) beyond, transcending the crummy uninteresting low-rent 3-dimensional Space you and I all got stuck in from birth to death.

They named them after Plato because he (or maybe Socrates, Plato never wrote or published anything of his own) was the first to consider the Metaphysics of such Objects. We can't ever touch them or be in the same room with them, but they're obviously Somewhere. The Somewhere of Platonic Objects is a Locus wholly independent of our Time and Space, Cartesian, Newtonian or Riemannian/Relativistic.

Hey Man On The Ground! How was the Hunnertjaar von der Wunderjaar von Einstein, locally? What did they have to eat? Did punk bands get into it? Did Einstein (violin) and Mozart (pianoforte) play a duet? (Einstein played string quartets with the King and Queen of Belgium.) Please send 150 words. Or more. We sold a lot of ad space for tomorrow's edition.

Does the Patent Office building still exist? Who has his office now?

"Those were wonderful times.
Nobody expected me to lay golden eggs."

-- Albert Einstein

Any local details of Wunderjaar centennial greatly appreciated. The usual A-VP rates. Try to get some colorful quotes, I don't care in what language. Also images of local mimes dressed as Einstein, or little children dressed as Einstein.

But Plato said human beings could connect, grok, understand, verstehen, apprehend Platonic Objects not through our Senses, but exclusively through the Intellect.

Anyway, I am selling this Sergeant Hyperpoiuyt (tm) on eBay. You'll love it when the FedEx woman brings it, and you take it out of the box. It was my favorite action figure for years. (Originally I paid $4.99 for it at Nul-Mart, it was the Christmas smash favorite novelty toy in 1996.)

You have no idea how important the Metaphysics you take for granted are. We're all just hanging by a thread, we're all just skating on thin ice, the Fundamental Premises of the Physical Reality we all inhabit whilst we live are secretly very unreliable and vague. You would all be acutely aware of this too if you took a few more calculus classes and Symbolic Logic and Philosophy 101 by Professor Leo Rausch at NYU/University Heights (which you can see in the movie "A Beautiful Mind," that's not Princeton, NYU was the architecture double).

In fact -- Do We Really Exist At All?

One Theory that has been surprisingly difficult to shake up is that We Are All Objects in God's Dream.

Hard to test, very resistant to verification.

But ... well ... Vleeptron advises:

Do Not Wake The Dreaming God.

=========================

spam from yesterday
followed by spam from today:
==============

THIS JUST IN:

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Question from jvsfl
Hello,

This is John with the camera. I noticed that you picked up the money, it has been 2 days and I haven't received the package, what's next? Are you scamming me ? Please respond ASAP!
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Question from h-squared50

Activity with h-squared50 (last 90 days):
- I have bid on 0 items from h-squared50

h-squared50( 2)
Positive Feedback: 100%
Member Since: Oct-30-03
Location: CA, United States
Registered On: www.ebay.com

Hello,
I recently placed a bid on item#5669378843 being a wheelchair for me that i really need do to my age(87 years old) and it seems that i can not find the auction anymore...May i please know if you are the seller of the item above?
Regards,
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Question from bargainshop-uk
Item: (5801824341)
This message was sent while the listing was active.
bargainshop-uk is a potential buyer.

Look,

There are now 2 months since I paied for the item and I still didn`t receive it.This is my last warning : unless you solve the problem the first thing I shall report you to ebay and second I shall go to the police .

I am loosing my patience...

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===============

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End date: 03-Dec-05 13:17:42 BST

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3 Comments:

Anonymous patfromeinstein said...

There were festivities indeed. No punk bands or Repo Man Soundtrack involved.
Since Einstein was sorta Swiss untill he immigrated to the USA we are sorta proud of him and at least to my knowkegde the Patent Building is still standing.
I must go to bed now, but I reckon I can still squeeze your request somewhere in this weekend (which involves shopping, going to the pub for a few rounds of Pool and some Yes, Rush and the Ramones, and doing the laundry)
As for a teaser I can tell you that one of Schroedinger's lectures was dug out and released on CD. This release would not have seen the light of day otherwise.
He and his bloody Cat, Einstein and that bloody Theory (which I still don't understand), Wormholes, Black Holes, Dwarf Stars, Red Stars, Dark Star, Superstrings, Quirks , Quarks, Gogols
planned trips to Venus and Mars, and the Twilight Zone
I'll update you on Sunday

18:03  
Blogger SteveHeath said...

Elmore Leonard has a long list of creeps and low lifes in his novels, but the wheelchair thief was Carl Hiassen's creation.

You'll find him in STRIPTEASE - he's the (soon to be) ex-husband of the protagonist played to great success (deserved an Oscar IMHO) by a younger finer Demi Moore in the film version.

As for all the rest of it, I have never in seven years on the web visited EBAY, which may make me some kind of low life commie now that I think about it.

02:20  
Blogger Bob Merkin said...

okay that's it i have to kill myself out of stupidity and remorse now, da guy's right, it was Carl Hiassen. Hiassen's really wonderful. SWMBO was afraid she was going to be arrested on a Homeland Security rap when she couldn't stop laughing in an airport while she read a Hiassen book.

And what makes all these eBay fraud complaints so weird is that *I've* never bought or sold anything on eBay either. Never even bid on the pizza with the Virgin's Mary image on it.

The Bush administration's screwups and scandals are so noisy and loud that they detract a lot of public attention from the US economy on Bush's watch, but it's been pretty sickly and wheezing and coughing, particularly in the employment/unemployment/creating jobs sector.

Several times over the past few years, when criticisms of the Bush economic track record have stepped to the front of the Noise Machine, Republican defenders of Bush have made speeches in the US House of Representatives and angrily accused the media and the collectors of economic statistics of ignoring a major triumph of Bush's economic miracle:

There are now, Bush's pals claim, 250,000 Americans who make a full-time living trading on eBay.

If that's the Bush vision of America's economic future ....... millions of people doing nothing, making nothing, but whipping the mouse, hunting around in the basement, and driving to and from the UPS store .............

Well, I guess that's a plan. So many real jobs have flown overseas, people gotta do something.

11:04  

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