I'm tired of waking up in handcuphs

Song of the Erstwhile Pirate
(Das Lied vom ex-Pirate)

Lyrics by jameskpolka
(actually Bob Merkin, see below)
Music & Inspiration by Hoyt Axton

A teenager named Todd, he lives in Northampton Mass
He smiled because I did not understand
Then he clicked on a summer blockbuster flick
Its FX the most awesome in the land

But I said no no no no me no pirate no more
I'm tired of waking up in the jail
No thank you please, me wait DVD release
And then get it from NetFlix ©™® in the mail

Aye aye aye aye ...
Aye aye aye aye ...

A pierced and tatted sister at the Vans Warp-ed Tour ©™®
She smiled because I did not understand
Out of her laptop came these hot tunes from Björk Björk Björk Björk Björk
She said they got here straight from Ølde Iceland

But I said no no no no the old Napster's ©™® a bore
I'm tired of waking up in handcuphs
No thank you please, I only buy Björk's CDs
I'm really nervous bout those other stuphs

I met a Member of the U-Mass Class of Aught Eight
He smiled because I did not understond
Then he cranked up this high-speed Internet2
Thirteen gazillion bytes every second

But I said no no no no me no download no more
I'm tired of getting sued up the butt
I'll be done paying off the RIAA ©™®
When Jupiter erects a Pizza Hutt ©™®

Yes I said no no no no me no pirate no more
Won't burn, won't rip, won't clone no J-Lo
I can't withstan 300 years in the can
Or fines the size of Trump's new Casino ©™®

Lyrics Copyright © 2005 by Robert B. Merkin
Dwingeloo-2 Industrial Poetry (a For-Profit enterprise)
All Rights Reserved