News, Weather, Mozart, Sports, Eurovision Love Ænema & Perverted Videogames from Vleeptron

NGO_Vleeptron (aka "Bob from Massachusetts") recently featured LIVE on BBC WORLD SERVICE, heard briefly by Gazillions!!!

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Location: Great Boreal Deciduous Hardwood Forest, New England, United States

old dude, all hair, swell new teeth

01 April 2005

Why do birds suddenly appear / Every time you are near? (2)

I am Unhappy because you people are not leaving Comments. Start leaving Comments or I swear I will tear off this Mattress Tag. Don't make me do it.

Am I blogging wrong? I'm new to this youthoid whippersnapper blog thing. One night I just started clicking [NEXT BLOG] over and over again. It really frightened me. Do you want my blog to be like that? Do you want me to talk about the cute boy who sits next to me in sociology class? Do you want to hear more about my kitty-cat Snuffles? Do you want to hear about how me and Tifani and Feloni went clubbing on Friday night and met these three cute sailors from Denmark?

mamagiggle leaves Comments. I still haven't figured out what it is that I write that sparks her to leave a Comment, she always throws me for a loop. I think this is because she is a Visual Artist.

I used to work with a Visual Artist. She used words for purposes like this:

"Here is money.
Give me that hot dog now."

She was The Young Photographer From The Ninth Dimension on the Miami newspaper. All the old seegar-smoking news photographers were scared of her, and none of the old seegar-smoking reporters wanted to go on stories with her, so the editors paired her with The Reporter From Vleeptron = moi. It took me four months to realize she actually had Higher Brain Functions, because to me, the World is entirely made of Words, and to her, the World is entirely a thing of pictures and pretty colors, and most of the time she was mute.

So, anyway, in my new blog, is there too much math? (Pat Z. from Helvetia says I should have MORE math.) Too much religion? Not enough about my feelings? Not enough about relationships? WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT??? For Christ's sake, I have had THREE POSTS ABOUT STUFF ABOUT VIRGINS already! And the last one was all about Thousands of Teenage Virgins Having Sex!!! WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT???

Oh, Politics. That's the Hot New Blog Thing that put Blog on the Front Page of The New York Times during the last presidential election. There weren't enough assholes blathering on endlessly about the presidential campaign on Fox News and CNN and MSNBC, so the newspapers starting running stuff about the campaign from the blogs of jerks like me who live in their mom's basement. (I do not live in my mom's basement.)

I think The Times had/has a column called Blogwatch. Also Bloggers have broken 2 or 3 important national news stories. A Blogger pointed out that Dan Rather's 60 Minutes expose about Bush's National Guard service during (but nowhere near) Vietnam relied on government documents that were as credible as my $3 bill and the Donation of Constantine. That's not chopped liver.

I watched The CBS Evening News with Dan Rather last night, and it's The CBS Evening News with Temporary Bob Schieffer. If one of my fellow bloggers hadn't shot down Rather, Schieffer would still be suing CBS for age discrimination, and spending his days fishing on Long Island Sound. Or doing segments on "All Things Considered."

I knew a TV on-camera guy who was fired because he couldn't get rid of the bags under his eyes. (Newspaper reporters really detest TV journalists. Did I just call them "journalists"? Hahahahahahahahahaha!)

Newspapers also get rid of reporters and editors and columnists when they get old. Like, when they get to be 71, if they don't have a good lawyer or a strong union.

TV gets rid of its on-camera "journalists" when their tits aren't perky anymore.

Another thing I love about local TV "journalists" is that they have to wear blazers that have ACTION 9 embroidered on their lapels. On newspapers, we work in the clothes we slept in on somebody's couch the night before. The only newspapermen who wear Italian suits are Italian newspapermen, and that's because there's no JC Penney in Milan. The next time I get a newspaper column, under my byline, I'm going to use real tiny type and say:

Bob's Suits by JC Penney
Bob Hair by Art's Barber Shop & Sports Betting Service

(Actually, Bob's Only Suit, suitable for Weddings to SWMBO, bar mitzvahs, Tenebrae services, funerals, etc., is a fabulous Burberrys I bought at Bloomingdales, and when I wear it, strangers are convinced I'm Richard Gere in "American Gigolo.")

Okay, here's a Political Blog Scoop: President George W. Bush Jr. has no measurable electrical activity in his cerebral cortex. At Yale, a box of rocks accidentally scored higher than he did on the European History final.

Yesterday he very solemnly promised that America would try to do better with The Intelligence Thing in the future, but recent intelligence shortcomings (WMD) had nothing to do with him and his White House/Pentagon team. What choice did they have except to believe some Italians who were scamming $$$$ from the CIA and told them that Iraq was buying uranium from Africa?

Here's a Pizza Slice question: Before running for President, had Bush ever actually been to Europe? Or Asia? (His brother Neil has been to Asia lots of times. I will fetch the tales of Neil's Amazing Oriental Erotic Voyages and post them.)



Blogger Mike said...

Calm down dude. Sheesh. I leave comments all the time. I've been doing a blog for 11 months now, and Amy is the only person to EVER leave a comment. Of course, I'm not writing nearly so well, or about such interesting topics, but I do occasionally write. Oh, and just for pizza, yes, Bush had been to Europoe before he was president. Mostly during his Dad's presidency. It's a common misconception that he had not. He'd even been to China, or as he called it, "That place with all the short guys". No, that's not a real quote.

Blogger Bob Merkin said...

THANK YOU MIKE! Now your computer speakers are safe from my fabulous karaoke!

Mike's Blog is:

Blogger Bob Merkin said...

I didn't know the answer to my pizza slice question, but of course i should have guessed that when your dad is President of the United States, he takes you along to Foreign Places. (Martin Sheen always takes Zoe along.)

But Jeez -- listening to W during the first campaign -- would you have guessed he'd ever been out of the USA? If I were trying to impersonate an American who'd never been overseas, I don't think I could do a better job than W.

So 2 more pizza slices are credited to your account. Maybe I'll go West soon, but why don't you come East soon so you can collect all your pizza? And bring Amy with you, I've owed her dinner at the Miss Florence Diner for a long time.

Blogger Mike said...

That link goes to a particular entry that I made in July of last year, but all they really need is I actually have much better entries than that one. For example, my "Going Back to Montana" entry, or my "UPS Sucks" entry. Really, who amy I kidding? They're all bad, but they're fun to write. I work with computers, I'm not a writer. My blog makes that extremely apparent.

I would actually love to take a trip to the east coast again. I was there last spring on the Princeton campus. Beautiful campus with an amazing number of amazing buildings crammed together into a very tight space. I don't think that you can appreciate the full beauty of that campus because it is so closely packed. I guess when you're living on the east coast, you make due with the space you have. Being from Montana, and now Nevada, space has never been much of a concern. Anyway, I wasn't going to talk about space. I was saying that I'd love to make a trip to the east coast, but right now, I've just moved across three states, and we're looking at buying a house. We could probably arrange for a trip sometime next year, but if you're going to be out west before then, be sure to drop by and we'll take you out for a huge piece of murdered cow and some fermented barley in water.

Blogger Bob Merkin said...

Princeton! Okay! I dangle another Vleeptron Pizza Slice before you, or before anyone who reads these Comments:

JOHN NASH, the Game Theory pioneer who won the Nobel Economics Prize after recovering spontaneously from decades of schizophrenia, was (and is again!) a Princeton professor. So the movie "A Beautiful Mind" was filmed at Princeton, right?

WRONG! They used a Campus Double! That's not Princeton! What campus did they use?

Blogger Mike said...

Really? I knew that the scene from Harvard was actually filmed at Manhattan College, but I thought that they really did use Princeton. I guess you got me on that one.

Blogger Bob Merkin said...

Okay everybody, I'll leave the Princeton Campus Double question up till ... uhhh ... Sunday night (USA ET). Worth a pizza slice!


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